Kingdom of Sarcasm and Absurd

Self Perception Test

2010-01-16T16:35:55Z

My Self Perception


Investment in Appearance	0
Investment in Body Integrity	33

You are not invested in your appearance at all and do not care about how you look. You are not an emotional person, and don't really dwell much on how people see you. You are not worried about outside appearances. Your health and a feeling of wellbeing is not overly important to you. While you do like to be healthy you are not really worried about getting sick and you deal with it ok. You do not really have much of a compulsive personality.

Earrings

The Stone walls of Spinner's End- Snarry- NC-17 [oneshot]

2009-11-27T12:49:52Z

Title: Stone walls of Spinner's End
Chapters: oneshot
Pairing/Characters: Snape/Harry
Wordcount: 1280
Genre: PWP
Warnings: swearing, m/m sex, public sex, misuse of petrifying spells, cutting curses and stone walls.
Rating:NC-17
Beta: the_flic (thank you so much!)
Summary: angry sex fic.

Stone walls of Spinner’s end.

"What the hell what that?!" Harry shouted, running after the tall dark figure of his former professor striding down the sleeping street.

"Severus! Stop!" Finally, Harry caught up with the other man. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" He grabbed Snape by the shoulders and pinned him against the nearest wall.

"Unhand me this instant!" Severus demanded, his eyes glowing with what Harry assumed was a dangerous level of anger, though he was beyond caring for the other man’s feelings at the moment.

"NO! And I won’t until you tell me why you just hexed Ginny! You scared the hell out of her! You scared the hell out of me!" He kept on yelling in Snape’s face, his own a mixture of anger and confusion. "Merlin, Severus - " Harry tried to catch his breath, his rage subsiding, making more space for confusion and hurt. "I tried so hard to win your friendship over the years! We both did! It was simple: you respect my friends, I respect your privacy! So fucking tell me, What the hell got into you?!" He accentuated every word with a push to Severus’ shoulders.

"What got into ME?" The other man shouted back incredulously, "I’ll tell you what’s gotten into me!" Severus turned them around, and in a second Harry found himself facing the wall, his hands the only thing preventing direct impact.

"Stop it!" Harry shouted, trying to push his hips back, as his shoulders were held strongly in place, but Severus wasn’t listening.

"I’ll show you and that Weasley whore how to play games with me!"

"W- what?"

"Immobilus!"

Harry was frozen in place, unable to move, shout, or hex the barking bastard’s balls off, and oh, he’d gladly do so, if only he weren't immobilized and… if the said bastard weren’t pressing into him so much that Harry could feel Snape’s breath on his neck, Snape’s warm hand on his stomach and Snape’s… wait, was that a boner pressed into his arse? No…Severus would never… he can’t be…he wouldn’t want…even if he did…would he?

Harry lost it then, he didn’t hear the insults hissed in his ear, didn’t care he’d been petrified and thrown against the dirty wall as long as this thick, trouser-clad hardness kept moving against him. How long had he been dreaming of this? Dreaming of being fucked against his ex-professor’s desk in his office, in the potions classroom, in Snape’s private chambers, over the meeting table at Grimmauld place; even in Snape’s favorite armchair at Spinner’s end. Impossible as it might seem when rendered Immobile, Harry was getting hard, certain parts of his anatomy were very much moving, filling, hardening and also faster than ever before, even counting the numerous hard-ons he'd had in his ex-professor’s presence.

When the meaning behind Snape’s words dawned on Harry, he wanted to moan so bad it hurt. Him and Ginny had been hugging. In a friendly way, or so Harry thought. But Severus’ reaction indicated he had interpreted their friendly embrace in another way.

Oh dear Merlin! The Big Snake was jealous! Harry was in heaven, or would have been, if he could say something, or turn around and smother Severus with lustful kisses, or at least just turn around and look his sexual fantasy in the eye… Wait, what had he just said?

"Now, boy, I’m going to teach you a lesson of “what’s getting into whom” as you expressively put it. Sectumsempra!"

Harry’s guts froze in fear, his head reeling. Snape had just cursed him? Then with a loud CRACK! His jeans ripped right along his cleft.

Oh Merlin! he exclaimed inwardly in both relief and arousal. The gesture now seemed the most erotic thing he could imagine, besides potions classroom, off course. Harry’s cock jumped in appreciation when Snape’s delicate hands slipped inside the tear and tore it further. When said hands ripped Harry’s jeans off him in one swift motion he wanted to come so desperately, he was beyond analyzing whether this was just another wet dream or a wild fantasy coming true. Coming. Against the wall. Clothes ripped in two. By Severus Snape.

God Almighty and whatever deities!

Harry felt his boxers vanishing and his arse was feeling slick and loose. Probably a spell. God, Snape’s going to finally fuck me! Then he felt a finger prodding inside, testing, searching for… AH!

Harry felt his lower stomach tightening, and Snape wasn’t even fucking him yet! Two fingers felt better, moved as they belonged there and OH! Hit that spot again, scissoring and stretching and… OOOH again…

Harry was beyond words now, but the sexy hissing he heard was probably cursing, or so it seemed. He didn’t care much about anything, especially when three fingers entered him. Pushing hard, harder, deeper, faster and HOLY FUCK not missing that blissful spot even once.

Harry’s world took a spin and went blank as he was endlessly coming all over the stone wall. Snape probably felt him shuddering, no surprise as Harry himself thought the whole alley shuddered with him.

"Enjoying yourself, mister Potter?" Snape purred in his ear with that rich silky voice, that made Harry harden again without even noticing. "See how you like this!"

And Harry was back into outer space, as all his being was filled with Snape’s hard, long, thick , hot cock and nothing else even existed except for Snape and his gorgeous cock that immediately set into motion. Blissful motion against that sacred spot, that made Harry see the depths of the Universe, if the sparkling dots before his eyes were any indication.

The only thing Harry regretted, as much as he could regret at the moment, was complete disability to move, to push against his sweet tormentor, to moan his ecstasy out loud, for the whole city to hear. Snape was moving faster, harder with every passing second and Harry felt their bliss getting close to its peak, as the other man’s thrusts became erratic and his breathing fast on Harry’s neck and the iron hold of Immobilus weakening.

Harry was able to claw at the wall for dear life, his fingers becoming white. He moaned out loud constantly now, but Snape was beyond noticing. Harry turned his head to look at Snape. The sight made his toes curl and his balls tighten and he was coming for the second time. Whole body shuddering and muscles contracting, he didn’t hear Snape’s moans as he came spilling inside Harry, as Harry himself was screaming his lover’s birth name for everyone living around to hear.

The most intense orgasm of Harry’s life passed by and he felt Snape pulling out of him and straightening up. The younger turned his head just in time to catch the retreating figure. Harry grabbed his belongings and hurried after Snape, catching him on the other side of the wall, with his hand on the doorknob.

"Let me in!" Harry demanded.

As Snape opened his mouth to protest, lights in the house across the road came to life and when a silhouette appeared in the window, Harry was dragged inside and the front door banged shut.

"What do you want?" Snape questioned, looking as irritated, but as intrigued as ever.

"Maybe some tea for a butt naked guest, who has been thoroughly welcomed against your house’s wall not a minute earlier?"

"I beg you pardon?" Eyebrows rose up into Snape’s hair.

"I said, I want to jump up and down on your gorgeous prick in this favorite chair of yours. Now."

The End

A/N: This is my first Snarry fic ever. Congratulations, me! I also wanted to point out that Sectumsempra in my opinion, is a cursed which can be used for other cutting purposes (not just killing people, you know). Snape is a Master of Sectumsempa, so he knows how much force to apply to cut jeans XD And not slice its owner!
As for more, I actually planned this to be a series of non-related oneshots/ficlets, associated by one theme, Jealousy. I'm not sure when and what the next ficlet will be so i'm not yet putting it in the title. Tell me what you think about it.
I also wanted to point out that this was born of a dream, where the idea of jeans-cutting came to me in a very disturbing sexual Snarry form, so I woke up and started writing it. Just for fun, no pretense for 'serious' fanfiction or IC.
Thanks to my lovely beta, and you all, who read it. I'd really appreciate every comment, whether it's be an opinion, critics, or a simple aknowledgement.
Opheliac.

Harry Potter Fanfic Archive

2009-11-25T15:38:18Z

Fandom: Harry potter
Pairing: Snape/Harry

Oneshots/Drabbles/Ficlets:

Title: Stone walls of Spinner's End
Chapters: oneshot
Wordcount: 1280
Genre: PWP
Warnings: swearing, m/m sex, public sex, misuse of petrifying spells, cutting curses and stone walls.
Rating:NC-17
Beta: the_flic , the magnificient!
Summary: angry sex fic.

Multichapters: [none yet]

Notes: if some of links doesn't work, please comment and i'll fix this.

the Gazette Fanfiction Archive

2009-11-25T15:34:46Z

Fandom: The Gazette:

Oneshots:

Title: Wreaking havoc
Pairing : Aoi\Uruha (onesided)
Genre: pure angst.
Rating : kids can`t read this.
Warnings: none if you don`t mind the angst
Summary: “I’m too exhausting to be loved”
“A volatile chemical”
“Best to quarantine and cut off”
beta read by vanilla_lilly

Title: Song of Hearts , sequel to “Wreaking havoc”
Pairing : Aoi\Uruha
Genre: angst, drama, romance
Rating : PG-13
Warnings: NOT BETA EDITED
Summary: Remember, you promised me
I'm dying, I'm dying, please
I want to, I need to be
Under your skin

Title: Not as We
Genre: angst
Pairing: AoiXUruha (gazette)
Rating: PG
Beta : Heather aka leifang666
Warnings: none
Summary : Uruha was a big loss. The biggest ever, Aoi thought. Their love was unconditional, love at first sight, since high school.

Title: Friday 13th
Genre: smut, a bit paranormal, sick humour.
Pairing: Reita x Aoi (gazette)
Rating: NC-17
Beta : matsumototaka
Warnings: crack, awfully written sex scene,a bit paranormal (><)
Summary : making out in a haunted place on friday 13th? does it sound like a good idea?

Multichapters:

Title: Losing a friend
Status: finished
Chapters: [one] [two] [three]
Genre: angst, some romance, smut.
Warnings: mentions of self-harm, alcohol, sex.
Rating: PG-15 to NC-17
Pairings/Characters: Aoi\Uruha
Synopsis: look at you, look what you're wasting, you're losing a friend.

Title: Stranger than Fiction
Status: discontinued
Chapters: [one] [two] [three] [four]
Genre: AU, angst, romance with pitiful attempts of humor
Warnings: self-harm, blood, language,sex, some violence, rape, abuse and overall weirdness.
Rating: PG to NC-17(later)
Pairings/Characters: Uruha\Aoi (KouyouxYuu), KaixAoi (onesided, past), ReitaxRuki, SagaxShou (implied)
Beta: fortunate_heart
Synopsis: Yuu Shiroyama is a successful writer having a bad writers block. can young consultant Uruha help to reveal a loving soul in this cold-hearted anti-social man, and help him finish the book that is stranger than fiction?

Notes: if some of links doesn't work, please comment and i'll fix this.

hiatus

2009-09-01T08:46:38Z

LEFT FOR JAPAN
so
HITAUS
till 3d of october. and probably even more till i manage my problems.
so no fics till then. sorry guys.

Stranger Than Fiction- 4\?-Aoi\Uruha

2009-08-07T04:19:36Z

Title: Stranger than Fiction
Chapters: 4\?
Author:afina_shining
Genre: AU,angst,romance with pitiful attempts of humor?
Warnings: this chapter: cursing, masturbation.
Rating: PG - 15 (this chapter)
Pairings/Characters: Uruha\Aoi (or Kouyou\Yuu), more to come.
Beta:fortunate_heartthank you, my brave friend.(this chapter unbetaed cuz my babe's busy. sorry guys!)
Synopsis: Aoi is a successful writer having a bad writers block. can young consultant Uruha help to reveal a loving soul in this cold-hearted anti-social man, and help him finish the book that is stranger than fiction?
Comments: my first multichapter,be nice and comment. your feedback is fuel to my writing engine <3

Chapter 4

Uruha was dragged back into the real world when the shockwaves went through his body as Aoi touched his hand, trying to attract his attention.

- I… I’m sorry, I promise not to leave such a mess again, okay, Uruha? You scared me…- Aoi blushed, turning his gaze away.

- Oh, it’s okay, I’m the one who should apologize, I interrupted you…- Uruha blushed too.

- Were you writing something? – he continued.

- Yes! – Aoi smiled excitedly.

- Awesome! Now let’s eat and you will tell me what is it, deal?

- Sure.

***

- So tell me about the novel- Uruha spoke up, making coffee for them and putting the dishes into the dishwasher.

- Uhmm… let me see… it’s about… many things. – Aoi laughed and lit a cigarette.- The main storyline is about a usual guy, working in a tax firm. His life is pretty much ordinary and planned out day by day. Y’know, he wakes up at 7 a.m. everyday, brushes his teeth making 36 horizontal and 48 vertical moves with his toothbrush. Dress-up, go to the bus stop at 7.30 and so on. Everyday is the same.

- 48 moves, huh?- Uruha looked surprised – I don’t find a guy counting his toothbrush moves one of the ordinary – he said.- but it sounds pretty boring, there should be something happening to him. Right?

- Yup, one day he finds out he’s gonna die soon. The reason or the exact time is unknown, but he’ll die soon, it’s for sure. So he decides to change his life, to do things he always wanted to, but never had the time for. Y’know there’s always something you wanted to do but can’t find the time for it.- Aoi smiled.

- No I don’t- Uruha frowned, - I always follow my impulses, can’t control them well actually – he laughed- if I want an ice-cream I go and buy it, even if it’s winter and I have a sore throat. And what was that he wanted to do?

- Well, he buys a guitar, as he played once in the past but abandoned it because of his job, buys his friend a present he always dreamed of, he falls in love…ah wait he hadn’t planned it, it just happened…Anyways he tries his best to enjoy his life, because he knows any day could be his last.

- And then?- Uruha asked curious.

- And then he dies…it’s just I haven’t decided which way to kill him…but once I decide on it, that’s pretty much end.

- Well …uhmm…it sounds pretty much intriguing, but somehow…lacks of action. It’s unusual for you, I know I’ve read your books… - Aoi blushed at that.

- It is unusual, but it has some interesting sidelines I don’t want to reveal yet, so it’s not as boring as it sounds…

- No no, I didn’t mean it that way!!! – Uruha insisted.- Can you tell me about that mysterious sideline please? Pretty please? Just a bit?- he pleaded.

- Uruha!

- Please? Pretty please with a cherry on top?

- Okay! But just one little bit! It won’t be a good surprise if I tell you everything!

- Well?

- Let’s just say he hears a voice in his head, telling about his actions.

- Telling? As if telling a story?

- Yup, as if she tells someone a story about that guy.

- And???? –Uruha stared at Aoi wide-eyed.

- And turns out to be a writer. Writing a book about the guy named Harold Creek, working in a tax firm and blah blah blah…

- What? How’s that possible?

- It’s a book you dumbass! I wrote it and it means it’s possible – Aoi scolded him mock-angrily.

- So, she writes a book about some fictional guy named Harold Creek and his death. And somehow it happened so that this exact Harold Creek exists and surely doesn’t wanna die.

- And he decides to find the writer and stop her? But how in the hell can you find a person all you know about is her voice?

- Yup, but that is the secret, I already told you much more than intended to. Let’s just wait and see..

***

They spend the rest of the evening watching movies Uruha brought and eating ice-cream. Laughing at the ridiculous plot of the movie and chatting with ease, only two of them could notice to be unusual. As hours passed by, Uruha found himself cuddled on the couch in front of the TV alone. Aoi in his study, gone for the whole world. Uruha turned off the TV and went to sleep on the quite uncomfortable but the only place available for sleeping besides Aoi’s bed. The couch.

He just couldn’t buy a house with a guest room, - Uruha thought, turning on his side for the umpteenth time and falling into the dark abyss.

***

He woke up an hour later as Aoi shook him on the shoulder.

- Wassup? – Uruha yawned.

- Uhmm … I went for a coffee and noticed you here. – Aoi blushed. – Go sleep on the bed, I doubt I will need it till morning – he smiled.

- Unless you’re a masochist and enjoy hurting your body – he grinned.

Uruha was wide awake in a second.

- Oh, uhmmm…- he looked embarrassed, - it’s your bed Aoi … I can’t…

- Oh come on! – Aoi rolled his eyes- I won’t get there till finish the chapter, which is about time you usually wake up, so I’m willing to share- his voice sounded too cheerful and loud for this late night hour.

- Unless you’re going to break my bed or do naughty things there, it’s yours.- Uruha laughed at Aoi’s frown

- Okay I promise not to do any of the things you mentioned – Uruha stood up and grabbed his blanket, - Thanks a lot from me and my poor back!- and he disappeared in the bedroom.

***

Aoi’s scent, which was everywhere in his bedroom intensified, and as Uruha was about to open his eyes, he felt the bed dipping and a body crushed next to him. The room was dark, but he had no doubt it was Aoi. For a minute Uruha hesitated to rise from the bed and go sleep on the couch, but as he heard the other man’s snoring he decided if Aoi doesn’t care, he shouldn’t complain either and just go back to sleep. Which turned to be a hard task, not just because of Aoi’s snoring and soft mumbling, not the way he tossed and turned in bed all the time, eventually settling on Uruha. His head on the blonde’s stomach, as if it was a pillow, which was itself uncomfortable enough, Aoi’s breath tickling his belly, and his hand… uhmm.. let’s just say Aoi thought his pillow somehow became much more soft, warm and comfy. And as the darkhaired man moved his hand lower, his pillow from soft turned to hard. Which Aoi, off course would have noticed if he wasn’t such a heavy sleeper.

What the fuck does he think I am? A squishy pet?- Uruha thought, hissing as Aoi’s hand squeezed him once again, before moving lower to his inner thigh.

At first, Uruha decided, he’ll just lay like this and pretend nothing happened, hoping Aoi would change his position. But then again, if Aoi woke up and find out his new made friend is as hard as stone under him, Uruha would be in deep shit. Because obviously Aoi wasn’t gay, or at least Uruha didn’t consider him one. And it definitely wasn’t the best way to establish good friendship between them.

What the fuck! –Uruha thought, sliding from the bed slowly, putting a pillow under Aoi’s head so carefully, praying whatever deities to make him sleep so heavy he won’t wake up now.

Uruha decided to have a cold shower, which turned to be a long make-love-to-your-hand session, as multiply dirty images of Aoi invaded his half asleep head. Off course Aoi didn’t know what he was doing, but it was so arousing, thinking he possibly could do it intentionally, fully awake and as aroused as Uruha was. He imagined Aoi’s hand caressing his thighs, rolling his balls in his hand, touching every sensitive part of his body. Aoi’s lips on his mouth, his tongue inside Aoi’s mouth, the darkhaired beauty’s lips sucking on his hard shaft. Taking him whole in his mouth.

Suppressed moan escaped his lips, as the blonde came all over his hand, shuddering violently, images of Aoi still present but held no arousal for Uruha now. Only guilt.

He realized he did something forbidden, shameful, he betrayed his friend’s trust. He knew that if Aoi was ever to find out he’d feel betrayed. When he first met the dark haired writer, he appeared as tough and sarcastic to Uruha, but now he saw his soft and caring side, he knew how sensitive he was to betrayal. Uruha damned his lack of control over his impulses.

He sighed, stepping out of the shower, dressed up and started passionately cleaning up the house, as if trying to earn forgiveness.

He didn’t want to deal with the darkhaired’s temper, especially not now, so he avoided Aoi’s study no matter how messy it was and how much he wanted to lurk on his upcoming novel.

As Aoi woke up, completely oblivious to the last night’s events (probably, he didn’t even know he was sharing bed with Uruha, not mentioning sleeping on Uruha), he declared having a day off writing. They went to the park, to the movies and had a good cup of latté at the coffeeshop near the cinema, enjoying a good time together. After late dinner Aoi went off to write, leaving Uruha to sleep on his bed again. That’s how things went since then. Day after day. With a small exception. Uruha, too busy hiding his now undeniable lust for Aoi, haven’t ever noticed he fell in love with the darkhaired beauty, while Aoi was too busy with his novel, haven’t noticed he got painfully addicted to living with Uruha.

***

Aoi was beside himself. It’s been a good week, one of the best in his life, he thought. But now he faced a problem with his novel again. He intended to kill the main character, but he couldn’t. not because of his good mercy and softness, not at all. He had no troubles killing on paper, he even enjoyed doing it. He just liked to do it gracefully, with dignity, with a touch of art on it. And now he had bad problem with just this. He was thinking about it all day, how to kill Harold Creek?

How to kill Harold Creek?- no ideas followed.

Should he ask Uruha? The man was nothing but kind to him, and already helped a lot. After all he was a consultant! -Aoi paced his room nervously, biting his lip till it’s angry red.- isn’t it what he’s here for? To help?

Aoi was just about to go out of his study and ask Uruha, when a phone call interrupted him, making Aoi lose his train of thought.

- Moshi?- Uruha picked up.

- Hey, it’s Shou, wassup?

- Fine, got news?

- Sure, I searched everywhere possible, within the reach of my office, found nothing interesting except for two guys who lived in Mie. They were cop trainees 15 years ago and worked for the local police. They worked on the fire case. Now they’re peepers and are willing to talk if you are. I set up a meeting with them in an hour, write down the address…

Uruha scribbled the address Should told him and hung up the phone. As Aoi stepped out of his study, he was already at the door, pulling on his jacket and shoes.

- Leaving? – Aoi asked, disappointment clear in his voice.

- Yeah, just a small business,it won’t take long I promise. What do you want for dinner?- Uruha smiled.

- Whatever, I need to talk to you, but it can wait till the evening.

- I’ll be back in a blink of an eye! You won’t even notice I’m gone! – Uruha waved goodbye and shut the door behind himself.

A\N: Harold Creek is a character in the movie called 'stranger than fiction' from which i took some ideas, if you watched it, you might notice. GO WATCH IT NOW BCUZ IT'S THE NOVEL AOI WRITES, oh no watch it bcuz it's an awesome movie starring Emma Thompson and Will Ferrel and Maggie Gillehall.

the gazette icons

2009-07-30T12:21:45Z

subject: the Gazette
total : 24
Aoi [9]
Uruha[4]
Kai [2]
Reita [3]
Ruki [5]
misc [1]
notes: this is my first time making icons. you have been warned. XD
all scans taken from gazette_daily

reita

ruki

kai

uruha

aoi

Stranger Than Fiction- 3\?-Aoi\Uruha

2009-07-27T11:43:16Z

Title: Stranger than Fiction
Chapters: 3\?
Author: afina_shining
Genre: AU,angst,romance with pitiful attempts of humor?
Warnings: this chapter: three curse words.
Rating: G (this chapter)
Pairings/Characters: Uruha\Aoi (or Kouyou\Yuu), more to come.
Beta: fortunate_heart thank you, my brave friend.
Synopsis: Aoi is a successful writer having a bad writers block. can young consultant Uruha help to reveal a loving soul in this cold-hearted anti-social man, and help him finish the book that is stranger than fiction?
Comments: my first multichapter,be nice and comment. your feedback is fuel to my writing engine <3
Comments 2: sorry it's boring. just the way i am. but i planned some action and drama further (><) gomen!

Chapter 3

Uruha spent an hour cleaning up the bathroom, thinking about the reasons for Aoi’s strange behavior. It was too late to call maintenance already so he just sat in the kitchen smoking his lungs out trying to find any reliable information about Yuu Shiroyama over the internet. The dark haired writer refused to leave Uruha’s mind. No doubt he was more than intrigued. And Uruha was worried. Aoi’s behavior, mood swings, his actions, the blonde thought it was more than just an extravagant facade, so he decided to find out for himself. Sure he could ask Aoi straight away, but then again, he highly doubted he’d get an answer. Three hours of searching gave him nothing, except for a small article in a small newspaper, about a family in Mie that died in a fire 12 years ago. The article lacked details and photographs, so the blonde decided to leave this for now. Tomorrow he'll talk to Yoichi and if nothing interesting comes out, he'll call his secret source.

Yuu woke up from another of his usual nightmares. The ones that make you feel frightened for some reason you can't pinpoint. It was disturbing nonetheless. The first thing Yuu noticed after he realized he was safe in his own bed was the silence. The usual silence he was familiar with over the years. No annoying whistling, no tone-deaf singing along to Beyonce, no sounds of vacuum cleaner or coffee machine running. No Uruha.

Yuu jumped from the bed going to the living room. No signs of Uruha. Then to his study (oh god please no!) Same result. Bathroom? Nothing. Why was Yuu looking for Uruha?

To make sure he's gone - he excused himself mentally.

Eventually he landed in the kitchen, where Uruha had left breakfast for him. And a note, both unnoticed while Yuu rummaged through the fridge trying to find something edible. Eventually the brunette turned to the table and found the breakfast Uruha prepared, cold already, but he ate it anyway. Having poured himself a coffee and lit a cigarette, Yuu finally noticed and read the note saying:

***

Morning Aoi-chan! -Yuu cringed

Sorry, I'm out for business for the day.

I cooked breakfast for you, warm it up in the microwave

if it's cold when you wake up. - "Shit"- Yuu thought here.

I called the maintenance, they'll send someone

to fix the washer on Monday, since it's the weekend already.

So please avoid the washing machine till then. - Yuu snorted.

I'll be back in the evening. Takeout for dinner, what do you think?

Pizza or Chinese? Maybe I’ll rent a movie on my way back.

Don't miss me too much!

Uruha XDD

***

The dark haired man sighed. This guy likes to make a big fuss out of everything. Dinner? Yuu doesn't care what he has for dinner as long as he has something. Movies? Yuu doesn't care either. He could as well watch TV, not that he pays much attention. Today he's all by himself and he has a lot to do.

Idea. He's got an idea. An old one actually, though he never finished the first chapter due to his damn writer's block. And it was a good idea. One of his favorites even. Of course if he can make it work.

Yuu was desperately rummaging through his cupboards trying to find the outline of the novel he started a long while ago. He was just simply throwing all the wrong items on the floor, destroying whatever chaotic order his study was in previously.

Nothing.. nothing...nothing...

"God dammit where are you!?"- he begged in frustration, having already destroyed most of his room, searching in all possible and impossible places.

"Yatta!!!"- he exclaimed happily, having found a thin pile of paper. Jumping up and down, hugging it and smiling all the way like an idiot he ran out of the house having thoughtfully locked the door behind himself. None of the people close to Yuu Shiroyama would believe in such thing, even if it was right before their eyes.

---

Yuu was sitting in the park, drinking his latté, smoking and thinking. That's what parks are for, right? He used to go here to make outlines of his novels, gather ideas, thinking over hard things. He preferred to write at home of course but here he could get inspired by something new, watching people having fun, or doing their business. Couples, families, lone people. So many of them. So different, yet the same. There was something charming about them, something Yuu couldn't understand. Something attractive. Thinking about their personalities, hobbies, occupation, status, anything he could make up or imagine. Some of his best novels were born in the park, where he could imagine a stranger in the black coat and a hat being a CIA agent or a foreign spy, waiting for his informer to appear. Or anyone and anything else. The park was the place where Yuu's imagination cut loose. And the place where he went to think over some serious issues. Like now. the outline of the novel was already re-written and edited three times. He could as well go home and start writing. Yeah, that'd be great to write like Yuu used to, sit down in front of his computer screen and lose whatever sense of time he has, coming to his senses only when the last line is written. The dark haired man laughed quietly remembering how hungry he always was after finishing the writing. So why was he sitting there? Uruha. Yes, he started to gain his inspiration back and it does mean that Uruha will be out of the picture when the novel's written. Surely he will leave. He might even leave before it's finished, who in their right mind would want to stay after the scenes Yuu made, after all the things he said and did, after... the bloody incident Yuu stupidly allowed Uruha to witness. No one would. And Uruha is just a normal guy with usual interests, though there was something outstanding about him, something different from ordinary people. Sincerity. Uruha was an outstandingly sincere with Yuu. Never having told a single untruth. And Yuu was a good face-reader, he could detect the smallest hint of a lie on a person's face. An ordinary human being lies 3 times in a 10 minutes conversation, he knew, but Uruha hadn't yet lied a single time. His anger was true, his annoyance, his concern - everything. And Uruha said he wanted to become Yuu's friend. It amazed the dark-haired man, because no one in the whole world ever truly wanted to be near Yuu. Except for his mother maybe. He had no friends at school, no friends in college, and all the people who said they want to be Yuu's friends after he became famous were lying. All the pretty women smiling at him only wanted a piece of him. No surprise he refused to surround himself with "friends". Anyone would, knowing every word they say is a lie.

"Aoi-chan!"- a woman's voice suddenly attracted Yuu's attention. She was addressing her llittle daughter though, not Yuu. The little girl who Yuu assumed to be Aoi-chan was crying loudly, her cheeks red and tearstained, her palm and knees scratched and dirty. Obviously the girl fell down, not a big deal.

Aoi-chan - Yuu thought.

He noticed how the girl cringed when her mother wiped her face with a handkerchief, how she fought when her mommy cleaned her scratched knees. Yuu smiled bitterly, comparing this scene to his fights with Uruha. The blonde man trying to help Yuu out, and Yuu pushed him away because of his stupid pride, because of his arrogance. Because he just wasn't used to sincerity. Right now these reasons seemed so small to Yuu, almost none-existent. And he decided to give it another try. He wanted to deserve that sincerity. He wanted to try to be a friend.

Aoi-chan - Yuu mumbled smiling to himself, getting used to this pet name. He stood up and left for home in an unusually good mood.

When Yuu got home he locked himself in the study diving into the imaginary world of his writing.

---

Uruha was sitting for half an hour sipping on his coffee, waiting for his student mate to turn up. Conversation with Yoichi gave him nothing, the man met Yuu in his late college years, having noticed his short stories published in some magazine. Yoichi only knew that Yuu had no family or friends and he was originally from Mie, Uruha already knew that. So he called his college friend Shou, who was working for one of the most respected magazines as a top journalist. Though punctuality never was one of Shou's strong points, Uruha wasn't surprised at the least when the fair haired man appeared at the coffee shop entrance 40 minutes late with a bright smile.

"So? Still working as Saga's personal bitch?"- Uruha laughed, remembering his past years working in the same magazine. Saga was their boss. Strict as shit. Nobody wants to mess with people like him. Except for Shou, who thoroughly enjoyed receiving bed punishment for his every mistake.

"Yeah, remember you thought he'll soften if I got him laid? -Shou laughed, - “Now let me inform you, you were so wrong!!"

"Looks like you're in love” - Uruha commented, - “Can't imagine you and Saga cuddling like two fucking lovebirds!"

"The only word close to reality here is 'fucking'” - Shou giggled, - “but back to the point, what's the deal, man? Tell right away cuz I don't have much time to chat, y'know saga, he's so possessive!!"

"Okay, little bitch, I need your help to find information about Yuu Shiroyama. His family, past, anything you find."

"Sure thing, Uru-chan, but first tell me why!"

" Uhmmm... I’m working for his publisher now, can't find the right way to approach him, and I thought if I knew about him more I could do my job better" - Uruha smiled bitterly “- And no I can't ask him, he's a very distant person"

"Cheer up honey, I’ll do my best! You’ll win your beauty in no time!- Shou stood up and hugged his friend goodbye,- See ya around, pretty!"

---

Uruha put the bags with groceries down, the silence that greeted him wasn't unusual, though there was something strange in this silence. The blonde strained his ears, trying to make out the source of the weird sounds. Small clicking sounds coming from the writer's study.

"Aoi-chan!"- Uruha knocked on the door, -"Five minutes till dinner time!"- soft mumbling came from the room, Uruha turned around and went to the kitchen to prepare food and put the groceries he bought into the fridge.

Ten minutes later he grabbed the doorknob and entered the study. The sight that met his eyes shocked him at first. A messy, messy, MESSY room. Papers littering the floor, cupboards upside down, bookcases open and in the middle of the mess, Aoi. Typing on the keyboard for all it's worth. His eyes wide, eye unfocused, mouth slightly open. Suddenly Aoi snapped out of his trance turning to Uruha's shocked expression, his cheeks turning right, eyes widen.

"I... I’m sorry, don't get mad please, I promise I’ll clean up, just give me five minutes to finish..." Uruha turned on his heels and left the room, landing in the kitchen with a cigarette in his mouth. All of his brazen activity reduced to repeating of the this single thought:

Aoi... writing... me... leaving...

Aoi writing, me -leaving.

Aoi writingmeleaving

Aoi...

---

TBC

meme

2009-07-18T11:54:38Z

some meme stolen from musicadio9

Do you sleep in your bra?
why the hell? i don't even wear it daily XD

Who was the last person u texted?
a couple of month ago?

Do you enjoy drama?
mmm no?

Are you a girly girl?
ahahaha no!

Last person you hugged?
my plushie cow? okay... Dasha i guess

Do you dress up on Halloween?
no

Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
on the bench in the yard...on the ground...in the classroom...list goes on.

Has anyone touched/smacked your butt?
yeah why? i love my butt it deserves to be pet XD

Last person you hung out with?
off course Ika. always Ika and sis.

Does your myspace password have to do with a boy?
have no myspace.

Do you call anybody by their last name?
yeah, why?

How many guys will read this just because it says Lady Survey?
noone. i have just a few on my friend list.

Do you wear makeup?
at work ONLY! LOL XD

Ever cried at a movie theater?
no!

ever put on mascara without opening your mouth?
tried XDD

Have you ever been called a bad influence?
ALWAYS!

THIS OR THAT:

Eyeliner or Mascara?
mascara

American Eagle or Hollister?
wut?

Heels or flats?
- flats

Skirts or jeans?
- Jeans

Socks or leggings?
socks

Hoodies or jackets?
hoodies

Heels or sneakers?
-sneakers

Straight or curly hair?
- ~~messy~~

Hoops or Dangling earrings?
none? ><

Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?
- dark.

Are you currently frustrated with a guy?
- no

Do you have a best friend thats a guy?
- no but i've had one...

Have you ever had your heart broken?
yup. but nothing i can't live with XD

Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?
yup

Do you like your life?
sure no.

Ever walked into the guy's bathroom?
yes

Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?
i think yes

Would you ever tell someone you loved them even though you didn't?
- maybe.

Have you ever punched a man in the face?
i guess yep

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
yes. long time ago

Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
yeah

Do you believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater”?
YES so true

Have you ever had a good feeling about something?
- yeah many times

Do you ever wish you were famous?
always.

IN A MAN:

Cowboy or Gangster?
- none

Preppy or Punk/Goth?
none.

Contacts or Glasses?
glasses

Funny or Serious?
both.too serious ins't good XD

Romantic or Daredevil?
-romantic

Cute or Hot?
hot cute

Good Dancer or Good Singer?
- good dancer

Basketball Player or Football Player?
- guitar player

Smoker or Non-smoker?
doesn't matter

Has a Motorcycle or Has a Sports Car?
AMERICAN MUSCLE CAR as i prefer XD or a motorcycle.

IN A GIRL:

Chubby or thin ?
- with tits LOL

Preppy or Punk/Goth?
- normal))

Contacts or Glasses?
- none

Funny or Serious?
funny

Big or small boobs?
- not important though big isn't bad XD though i like middle-size more.

Cute or Hot?
cute hot?

Good Dancer or Good Singer?
good dancer. always.

Girly or tomboy ?
-tomboy?

Smoker or Non-smoker?
doesn't matter

Full-time Lesbian or Bisexual ?
have no care. i'm not lesbian if that's the case. so i'm not putting the orientation in the question when i meet a person.

numero 2

BOY PART:

Dogs are better than cats. N
It's hilarious when someone is hurt. N
You already played with/against boys in a team. Y
Shopping is a torture. N
Sad movies sucks. N
You have(had) a XBox/XBox 360. N
You wanted to play with Hotwheels when you were young. N
In a moment of your life, you wanted to be fireman. N
You have(had) a Nintendo DS, a PS2 or a Sega. N
You were obsessed by the Power Rangers. N
You listen sport at TV. N
Violent movies are cool. Y
You talk to your father just for advices. N
You have a lot of flat caps. N
You like to watch football matches. N
You collect(ed) Baseball cards. N
It's a little weird to have a night at a friend's place with a lot of people. N
Green, black, red, blue or silver is one of your favorite color. Y
You love to be silly and don't care about what people think about it. Y
Sport is the fun. Y
You talk with food in your mouth. Y
You wear boxer shorts in bed. Y
You sleep with your socks. Y (in winter only) XD

Total: 7XD
Multiply this total by 10
Score = 70% boy

GIRL PART

You wear lipstick. N
You have worn eyeliner. Y
You have several identical sweaters but in different colors. N
You wear pink.Y
You talk with girl just for advices. N
You hate wear black. N
You love shopping. Y
You wear jewels, earrings ect... N
Skirts are a part of your wardrobe. N
You don't like Star Wars. N
You spend at least one hour to take your shower, be clothed, put some make-up and be ready. Y
You smile more than you should do. N
You have at least 5 pairs of shoes. Y
You care about how you look like. N
You love wear dress when you can. N
You love movies. Y
You played with dolls when you were child.Y
You like put make up on someone else just for fun. Y
You love take photos of yourself when you're bored. N

Total: 8
Multiply by 10
Score = 80% girl

SOMEHOW TURNED OUT A GIRL lol

p.s. the b-dau was good but ended bad as always. you can't expect ppl to put up with ur shit jus bcuz it's the day you were born. blame it all on me i don' care.

afina_shining @ 2009-07-15T00:50:00

2009-07-14T13:56:34Z

простите что много и депрессивно постю.
работа говно и жизнь тоже.
но ЭТО (слабонервным не читать!) довелло меня до истерики.
как я спать буду после такого незнаю.
хочется сделать атомную бомбу и взорвать.
пост не для всех ибо на русском. кто знает русский -читайте и ужасайтесь воспитательному процессу 80х

Stranger Than Fiction- 2\?-Aoi\Uruha

2009-07-11T07:14:28Z

Title: Stranger than Fiction
Chapters: 2\?
Author: afina_shining
Genre: angst, mystery,romance with pitiful attempts of humor?
Warnings: so far: blood, self-harm,mild language.
Rating: PG-13 (this chapter)
Pairings/Characters: Aoi\Uruha\Aoi (or Yuu\Kouyou\Yuu), more to come.
Beta: fortunate_heart thank you, my brave friend.
Synopsis: Aoi is a successful writer having a bad writers block. can young consultant Uruha help to reveal a loving soul in this cold-hearted anti-social man, and help him finish the book that is stranger than fiction?
Comments: my first multichapter,be nice and comment. your feedback is fuel to my writing engine <3
Comments 2: Yuu is becoming Aoi so if i write Aoi then it should be there, don't be confused, it's the same person. And i'm sorry in advance for crappy writing.

Chapter 2

Shiroyama is indeed a hard case, Kouyou, or, as he rather prefers, Uruha, thought to himself while dialing his agent’s number. Twenty minutes later Yoichi was there with the spare key to Yuu’s house and apologetic look. Uruha sent him home, saying he can handle it and entered the house.

“Just as I expected” – Uruha smiled, - “the house needs some fresh breeze and a good hand”. He set his bags on the floor and headed straight to the kitchen. Having found nothing to cook breakfast with, Uruha jumped in his car and went to get some groceries. While Yuu was snoring peacefully in his bed, (snoring he was indeed, though nobody ever stayed that much with him to bring the fact to light, so we can’t blame the man, he doesn’t know!) Uruha was making a breakfast, and what a breakfast it was! Eggs and bacon, fresh bread and fresh coffee smelled good enough to wake a dead man. So no surprise that Yuu woke up to the smell of fresh coffee, which he found amusing, as he thought he was still sleeping and it was his dream.

Yuu froze in the doorway, having found a stranger sitting on his chair, reading his newspaper and drinking coffee from his coffee mug! What the hell – Yuu thought. Cute – Uruha thought, finding Yuu’s starry boxers indeed cute. Not that he didn’t find whole Yuu cute. Even more he found him Handsome. Which in Uruha’s Beauty Rating List was one of the highest grades, while Yuu hesitated between his hunger for food and for Uruha’s and Yoichi’s blood (how else could he get into house?). He guessed who his intruder was already, without even taking the 50\50 tip.

And here Yuu stood like an idiot, hesitating between killing Uruha for acting like it’s his house and his kitchen, and swallowing his pride for the sake of enjoying the delicious breakfast Uruha prepared for them.

Eventually his stomach made a decision and he sat at the table, with a sigh, leaving Uruha’s murder for later, but never refusing himself the pleasure of imagining possible ways to kill him. Knock him out and torture him in the basement? Or maybe poisoning his food? Yuu almost snorted at the thought. He was enough of a cook to kill anyone without poison, his cooking was poison itself. Yuu long stopped to offer his guests meals, no matter how impolite it was, he didn’t want to get in jail. Yes, poisoning was a good idea. Enjoyable to watch and graceful to perform, though maybe too womanly, but still he wasn’t a tough guy to cut Uruha into tiny pieces and bury in the woods in black plastic bag. If Yuu were a cannibal, he could eat Uruha, sure they guy was meaty enough to become a decent meal, but then again, Yuu couldn’t cook for shit, and eating raw meat wasn’t one of his habits. Then maybe he could offer the blonde a hot bath and drown him? Nice idea, and not too messy. Though maybe a little too gay…

“Your breakfast is getting cold” – Yuu almost jumped up to the ceiling, snapping out of his daze so suddenly. Uruha’s voice was so low and …seductive?

Yuu didn’t notice it when they first met, not like it was his fault, he was far away in the Dreamland, but indeed this stranger sounds not like a victim. Despite his delicate, almost feminine looks. Could he be a murderer instead then? Yuu was thinking and eating up his meal. Sure, but only in Basic Instinct-like novel. Yuu couldn’t imagine him cutting cute teenage girls into pieces, not even strangling grandmas. But indeed he would look good killing his bed partners with a kitchen knife…

“Aoi, stop daydreaming and eat already! We have a busy day!”- Yuu blushed, catching himself, and shit, he got scolded!!!

“Sorry, mom”- he replied sarcastically. “Wait, what have you called me just now?”- the writer still refused to look directly at Uruha, preferring to stare out of the window, or so it seemed. Uruha’s reflection was there as well.

“Aoi. It’s a flower, a pretty one, you know, nice pink one…”

“I know.” – Yuu interrupted, - “But my name is Yuu and I prefer to be called just that.”

“Nice to meet you, Yuu, I’m Kouyou, but I prefer to be called Uruha, and I prefer to call you Aoi, because it’s a nice name and suits you better than Yuu.”

“Look, Uruha or whatever is your real name, you’re not going to stay here and abuse my privacy. Go find yourself a nice hotel, or whatever, and leave me alone. I’m not going to put up with you here anymore!” – Yuu finally burst out in anger, his stomach echoing his words with a low growl, having happily consumed Uruha’s cooking.

“And I’m not going to seek your permission, honey. My contract says I’m staying with my client, doing whatever is necessary until you get your inspiration back, and anyways, I have a spare key.”- Uruha replied nonchalantly.

“I will not tolerate a stranger in my house!”

“And I’m not a stranger, baby, I am your best friend and confident for the next month, or, considering your unwillingness to cooperate, a few months.”- Yuu’s mouth hung open in shock for a few moments before jumped up and stormed off to his study, locking the door behind himself.

“Hey, wait! We’re doing house chores today!” – Uruha yelled. He indeed never had such a tough case.

---

Yuu paced his room nervously for a few hours already, the sounds coming through the door were too irritating. The sounds of someone cleaning up the house. His house. He could almost see Uruha touching his things, taking them in his hands, dusting off and putting them on whatever wrong place he could find. It was unbearable. Maddening sounds reaching his soul, enraging. He could take no more. Yuu opened the door and walked over to a happily whistling Uruha.

“Stop it!!”

“Oh hi Aoi! I thought you never going to come out, now will you be a good boy and help me do the work?”- this got Yuu on the verge of tears, nothing usual worked with this guy. Yelling, rudeness, ignoring, impoliteness, what else could Yuu do? And those stupid nicknames… Aoi? It was music compared to baby, honey and, holy fuck, boy!

Furious as ever in his entire life, Yuu ripped the duster from Uruha’s hands and literally dragged him out to the front door, which he immediately tried to shut. If it wasn’t for Uruha’s fast reflexes. Apparently he wasn’t as feminine as he looked, he possessed a lot of strength. He easily blocked the door and then opened it, pushing Yuu away like a toy. Shutting it behind himself with a loud BANG. He threw the writer against it then, blocking his way with his hands. Uruha was oh so angry. No surprise, Yuu Shiroyama was known for his antisocial behavior and short temper. But nothing like that gave him an excuse to throw Uruha out like a bag of bones, when he just was trying to help him like he helped many others.

“What the hell are you doing??!!!” – Uruha yelled in Yuu’s face, his nostrils flaring, chest heaving and eyes glowing with anger and defiance.

“You’re acting like a spoiled little brat!!!”- his voice echoing loudly in the otherwise silent room, emphasizing his last words.

Uruha caught himself and sighed- “Look Aoi, I’m sorry, I know it’s not easy…”- he stopped in mid-sentence, when his eyes met Aoi’s ones, full of fear. Those big black eyes, somehow reminding him of horse’s eyes now were wide in terror and glistering with tears.

Uruha lowered his hands trying to find words when Aoi turned away and whispered almost inaudibly –“Please, just… leave.” He backed away to his study never caring to take a second glance at a shocked Uruha.

“Aoi, please, don’t go, I’m sorry…”

“Please!”- Aoi cried, his voice breaking, like had no more strength inside. His study room door slammed shut, leaving Uruha gaping like a fish thrown out on the shore.

A weak wail behind the door.

A sob. Another sob.

Uruha was lost.

In his whole life he never faced anything similar to this.

---

“Aoi?” – Uruha knocked on the door and strained his ears to make out whatever sounds were behind it. It was evening already. He knocked again and called Aoi. Nothing. Not an answer, not any noise. Just silence. Fear found its way into Uruha, freezing his insides, images of countless possibilities what could happen to Aoi presented themselves inside his head.

“Aoi? Say something, anything, please?”- he begged desperately knocking harder now. He grabbed the doorknob and the door, to his surprise, cracked open. Aoi forgot to lock it – he thought. He stepped inside, into darkness of the room, carefully, trying to figure out Aoi’s location. There he was, after a couple of minutes Uruha inwardly exclaimed. Thought it was a heartbreaking sight. A famous writer, the icon of millions, a person some modern authors are looking up to. A person even the critics can’t go severe upon.

There Aoi was, near the bookcase, his back pressed to the wall, his eyes unfocused, directed to the window opened wide. Uruha neared the dark haired man.

“Aoi”- he said quietly, not wanting to startle the other man.

“What?” – Aoi replied, unmoving.

“The washer, it’s …broken.”- Uruha paused.

“I didn’t know it worked still. It’s been a few years since I used it last.”

“I’ll call the maintenance then if you tell me where I can get the number. Do you need anything?” – another awkward pause. “Look, Aoi, I’m sorry I got so angry, I know it’s hard for you and I promise you to never upset you again, okay?” – Uruha wanted to add something, but suddenly the room filled with bright light from a car passing by and Uruha could see the whole picture.

Aoi’s red, irritated eyes. The knife sitting near his leg. And blood.

Uruha cried out in utter shock and ran to the kitchen to get bandages and antiseptic. He switched the lights on on his way back and put his things on the floor.

“Aoi-chan?”- he called – “May I see your arms please? I’ll just clean them so you won’t get an infection, okay? Aoi didn’t even flinch when the blonde took his hands and started wiping the blood from the cuts.

“Why are you crying?” – Aoi finally spoke up when Uruha was finishing bandaging his other arm.

Uruha sniffed and wiped his face with his free hand.- “It’s nothing, let’s go make you comfy on the bed and then I’ll go deal with the crazy washer.”- he stood up carefully pulling Aoi with him. Passing through the hallway the blonde cursed out loud, seeing foamy water coming through the bathroom door and already reaching the living room entrance, making Aoi giggle at that.

“If I knew you were going to clean the house literally I’d have tied you up beforehand.” –Uruha was speechless at the brunette’s sudden mood change, though Aoi looked pale and weak still, so he took the man to the bedroom and helped him get comfortable. Surprisingly facing no resistance from Aoi whatsoever. While he was out in the kitchen, making herbal tea for his ‘patient’ to get better sooner, the writer fell into peaceful sleep.

“It’s time to clean the mess” – Uruha sighed to himself entering the bathroom.

---TBC----

Stranger Than Fiction- 1\?-Aoi\Uruha

2009-07-03T07:20:01Z

Title: Stranger than Fiction
Chapters: 1\?
Author: afina_shining
Genre: fluffy angsty drama with pitiful attempts of humor.
Warnings: none in this chapter but i'm negotiating with my conscience for later chapters.
Rating: PG to NC-17(later)
Pairings/Characters: Uruha\Aoi (YuuXKouyou by now)
Beta: fortunate_heart
Synopsis: Yuu Shiroyama is a successful writer having a bad writers block. can young consultant Uruha help to reveal a loving soul in this cold-hearted anti-social man, and help him finish the book that is stranger than fiction?
Comments: my first multichapter. be nice and comment. your feedback is fuel to my writing engine <3

Chapter 1

Yuu listened to his manager blabbering heatedly, helping himself with all kinds of hand gestures all for the sake of proving his point. He exhaled menthol flavored smoke and stubbed his cigarette into the ashtray, as if emphasizing his point. Again.

“No” – he said confidently and lit another cigarette. This one-sided conversation with Yoichi was pointless and getting too long in Yuu’s opinion. If anything, he’d prefer to be at home right now. Keeping him in the office for an hour already, all for the sake of convincing him to agree to something he won’t ever agree to. Period.

Manager’s face fell at Yuu’s reply. Not that it was unexpected, his best author was known for his pride and short temper, but after so much effort? He tried to convince him for an hour, for god’s sake! This isn’t fair, Yoichi thought. After all it’s Yuu having a writer’s block for six month already, not him. Yuu needs help, he just has to agree! But no, no- is all he can say. Yoichi took a deep breath, ready to start all over again. Yuu noticed that and smiled smugly. He dares me – Yoichi thought, and indeed Yuu was determined not to agree on something like that. He can solve his problems without involving some stranger into his life, ‘helping’, huh? Helping means involving someone into his personal life, into his own world, which he couldn’t bear. Please go on – He thought- go on and on till you’re drained completely and I can go home.

And the battle went on.

After another hour of trying to convince his author, in which he reduced himself to simple begging, Yoichi accepted his defeat. Yuu was unyielding, never showing any sign of hesitation throughout the whole meeting.

“Well. I tried.” – Yoichi rose from his seat, sighing. “Believe it or not, it’s all set already. Top management already hired a consultant for you. I just wanted to have your permission, to prepare you the best I can.”- he smiled inwardly, seeing how the smug expression fell off Yuu’s face slowly and was replaced with shock first, then annoyance and anger.

“What the hell!” – he yelled out loud, which was a bad sign in itself, and his picking the words was a sign of gradually lowering self-control, which could be dangerous for his poor agent, if not for the publisher to enter the meeting room at that exact moment.

“How are we doing here?” – publisher asked, smiling stupidly, in Yuu’s opinion, especially considering the situation.

Fifteen minutes of Yuu’s constant yelling, mixed with Yoichi’s begging ‘for god’s sake!’ and the publisher’s smiling for all he cares passed by pretty fast, eventually Yuu’s outburst died down and the publisher caught the opportunity to start speaking.

“Yuu, you’re our most wanted author, most precious writer our publishing house had since Aura Siuchi and his infamous stories. Your every book sells millions of copies, but tell me one thing, when was your last book released?”

“Two years ago, Tamaki-san.” – Yoichi mumbled, seeing Yuu’s obvious non-existent mood for talking.

“And you haven’t written a single line since that time, have you?” – Yuu turned away to look out the window, actually he could as well just stare at the wall, anything but him. He prayed good god to spare him some embarrassment, because he suffered well already. Yes he has had some troubles for a while. But he does write. He writes everyday, just like always, it’s just… nothing he writes is worth a waste of paper. And it’s not only his opinion. Yuu always writes for himself, but when he writes something to be published, he believes it should be as close to perfect, as perfection itself. Not that he’s an awesome talent or genius, he just works on his novels more than most people do. Writing and re-writing, editing, adding, cutting, re-writing again. It’s harder to the author to re-write his own creations, this one thing not any editor or manager can understand. But still it’s better if he does it himself, than let a stranger do it. Because no-one can understand it as well as Yuu can. Just because he wrote it. It’s personal. A part of him. Always. Every and each one of his writings. Even if some of them weren’t published for some reason. Sometimes he writes for himself only. No. he always writes for himself. It’s just sometimes other people can go to the bookstore and buy his thoughts and feelings. And try to understand. Because…

“He’ll help you like he did with many others, he’s the best in this business. You’ll like him, I promise. Yuu? You are not listening!” – Yuu turned to look at his torturers, as he heard the sound of his own name.

“I do. I really do.”- he said yawning, not sounding convincing at the least. Yuu felt defeated, humiliated, annoyed and above all, bored. As he couldn’t get out of the meeting room he came to hate over the years. Indeed he had some troubles writing new material. He felt some kind of nostalgia towards his old times, when his mind was clouded with all kinds of ideas 24\7, even in his sleep, when he woke up at night to write something down, just not to forget the idea and ended up writing a half of the story through the night. Times when his body seemed to function on caffeine and cigarettes only and Yoichi forced him to eat food that he cooked in his kitchen, while he was in his study, oblivious to the whole word out there. He missed being this carried away with his ideas. And here they were, his best acquaintances for life. His publisher, and his agent. Poking his nose into his own mess, like a misbehaved kitten. He was growing tired of their constant noisy and pointless talk, and he was growing angry again, at the carefully chosen words they used, as if not to hurt him. Yuu preferred straightforward people, and seeing his friend and publisher butt-kissing each other and him as well set him off. He jumped from his seat and stormed out of the building not once looking back and growling incoherent curses towards everything in the world, especially two men he left there, standing dumbfounded. Yoichi was the first to snap out of the trance. “Yuu, wait we haven’t told you everything yet!!!”

“You didn’t?”- the publisher raised an eyebrow. “ He’ll have a nice surprise tomorrow then.”

Yuu finally got home, with minor trouble driving through the whole city. He intentionally picked a house to live in as far from the center as possible, so he’ll have an excuse not to show up on meetings, or be late, which was his natural habit.

“Hello everybody! I’m home!” – he yelled at the empty house and giggled at his own joke, that seemed to him extraordinarily funny, considering he’d lived alone since 17. Alone means completely alone. Not a roommate, a friend, a girlfriend (Yuu even snorted at the thought of having a woman in the house), no parents, and of course he couldn't bear the thought of Yoichi living with him. He had no daily cook or maid, not that he needed one. Though Yoichi always complained about how messy his home is. And when he was all engulfed in his writing he indeed forgot about keeping the house, or even himself presentable. To hell, he even forgot to pay bills at times, so Yoichi did that too, out of pure courtesy and compassion towards the mad man, everyone thought Yuu was.

Telephone rang when Yuu finished cooking his dinner, which really was a yesterday’s Chinese takeout, warmed in the microwave. When he heard his agent’s voice on the answering machine he hurried to the phone and turned it off. He’s fed up already. No more shit for Yuu Shiroyama for today. He turned off his cell phone long ago, since Yoichi started calling him while he was on his way home. And Yuu just couldn’t be bothered. They already made a usual day of his pure hell and all Yuu wanted was to distract himself. Which he did, having his dinner and watching TV first, praying Yoichi won’t be too smart to pay him a visit. Bastard had a spare key to his house, and once he’s here Yuu won’t be leaving here alive. Or maybe he could kill himself to spare some suffering? Even better, Yuu thought, would be to kill Yoichi and spare some suffering to all the people in the world, and then kill himself to avoid going to jail. Yuu didn’t know since when he got so merciful towards all the people in the world, or so violent towards his agent, or himself. Though today was a good day to start hating them all, he thought.

A stranger. They called a stranger to fix his writer’s block. Jeez… Yuu thought, not that he was religious, if God exist than he should be a big bad asshole with a sick sense of humor. How screwed up a person should be to create a whole world full of greedy, dirty, dense creatures that care only about money, food and sex, which is the basis and the main goal of their wellbeing. Not mentioning ten tables. Which is now became to-do list for some people. Others never heard or have no care about. And punishing people for making sins is just hypocritical. Because as it said, God created people in his own image and likeness. I feel sorry for such a pitiful God – Yuu thought.

Yuu turned the TV off, not that it was more or less boring than usual, he didn’t pay attention really. It’s just he finished his meal and it was working time. Yuu sighed. Working time was the time of the day he dreaded for a while already. How pathetic. A writer scared of writing. Funny indeed. He sighed again and went to his study. Which in reality looked like a library and a closet in one. Ceiling-high bookshelves, filled with…guess what? Books! Most people use their bookshelves to keep some useless crap there, framed pictures of people they don’t love anymore, photo albums, magazines, any crap available. But not books. Yuu’s bookshelves were the happy (or not) carriers of full collection of his own writings (which were dusty because he never took them out from the shelf, Yoichi added another bestseller there from time to time, but he had nothing to add there for some lone time already, so they were as dusty as ever), all kinds of encyclopedias, which were needful things actually, for a writer especially, since he had no time to travel around the world asking people about things, or finding out by himself. They were needful things actually. Now that he has internet everywhere he goes, they’re just some good memories stuffed on the bookshelf. And other necessary materials. Yuu had a lot of needful things on the shelves, but most of them were randomly situated on his computer table and over it. Average range of lesion of Yuu’s needful things equals to his arm’s length, or in worse cases, leg’s length. It was a complete chaos. Three corners of the room were stuffed with all kinds of things, from a globe to a rubber woman- a sex toy he got as birthday present from a fan. The toy amused him so much that he wrote a thank-you letter, sending him back a 50 centimeter dildo. Purple dildo. The doll stayed in the house. He called her Staisy, for disgustingly red hair and utterly dumb face expression. But there were two spots in the room, not covered with old clothes and chocolate wrappers. One was his favorite chair. A big leather chair with a high backrest and the most comfortable seat he ever experienced. The most memorable thing about this chair was that he didn’t buy it. Oh no, it’d be too… trivial? He stole it from his oh-so-hated publisher. Once Tamaki-san bought himself a super-comfy chair for his new office, the very office Yuu is still forced to show up at from time to time to get scolded like a schoolboy. But the point is, Yuu was in a foul mood again, and seeing his publisher happy as ever, smiling for all it’s worth wasn’t pleasurable either, and the chair was awesome indeed. So he decided to kill two birds with one stone. You should have seen Tamaki’s face when he came back from a short break. No chair, no Yuu. Sad story short. And what is most amazing thing you miss, as you’re reading this story ( it means you weren’t there, dumbass) was Yuu’s face at that exact moment. As he was practically riding the chair on full speed heading from the elevators to parking lot. He was smiling. Not like Tamaki-san does. Not grinning, not smirking, not simply stretching his lips into a fake image of a smile. It was a smile of pure joy and happiness, one that you can see on weddings, when the marrying couple are indeed in love with each other. When they say “I do” they smile like that. Or maybe you could smile like that on funerals, when your old rich uncle dies, leaving all he’s got to you. I won’t continue about a mad scientist inventing something outstanding and unseen before, I’m telling you this, just so you know how Yuu looked like at that moment. Utterly happy, like he’s riding the God’s horse.

But back to the point. Yuu’s room was all kinds of messy except for two spots, the second was his guitar stand in the corner. Five guitars. Four electric and one precious acoustic. He played a lot. Especially when his thoughts and ideas were too hard to put into words… he put them into music. He was indeed a good player, even tried playing in a band once, but he was too antisocial to put up with four more people. He didn’t enjoy their constant drinking contests and violation of his music ideas which was the main reason he left. Also he couldn’t bear the thought of becoming a real famous person. I mean yes, he’s a famous writer and a lot of people read his books, but he doesn’t have to show his face everywhere possible to get attention. and making a fuss over himself was not in his plans for entire life.

Anyways, here he was, sitting on his favourite chair and staring onto blank MS word page. Pathetic, isn’t it? He got carried away with all kinds of memories of his life, and somehow his mind wandered back to the most unpleasant topic of the year- his writer’s block and that mysterious consultant his fussy publisher had the guts to hire for him. What does Yuu know about him? Him. He’s a man, that what Yoichi mentioned, he’s a professional, Yuu thought pleased, maybe then he’ll get the point sooner and leave him alone. A stranger. Yuu hated strangers. Yoichi earned his trust over the years (how many? Ten? More?), he really worked hard for it, and sometimes Yuu dreads the day when Yoichi decides to leave him. He somehow didn’t think that he doesn’t plan on leaving, he just knew he will one day. And it made his heart sink. People always betray him. That’s common knowledge. His parents, his friends, even his dog died when he was 17, and he never got another pet since then. What will it be like when Yoichi leaves? Sad, lonely, empty. Yuu often felt empty. In fact he always felt empty when he lacked ideas. That’s what he was made for, Yuu thought, to write down ideas, not for living a daily life.

He didn’t know anything more about that guy, but he didn’t need more to imagine. Not tall, ordinary-looking man, wearing silver-stripped suit. Dark hair, or maybe brown. Not long, something you can show up in front of your boss. Neat and glossy. Always smiling (Yuu cringed at the though) that flashy – one million dollars worth smile. Annoying. Utterly annoying.

Yuu sighed in defeat and took his guitar. He’s too stressed for today to try and write something. Indeed when creating something becomes your job, it loses that piece of free soul. A piece of god, his mother could have said. That was it. Yuu’s ordinary evening. Trying to write, failing, playing guitar till he’s sleepy enough or it’s too early in the morning to stay awake. He always considered early mornings the most pleasurable time of day to sleep. And most unholy time to show up at his door, and or to call him. But his fate was in the unholy mood that day. Or night. Or early morning. He went to sleep two hours later, considering his guitar was too tired to listen to his whining about life put into accords and just started to enjoy another nightmare he always had.

He woke up to the loud banging on his front door. Considering 8 a.m. to be the time when the only person to show at his door could be a lost tourist or a postman, he covered his head with a pillow and was about to drift back into the dreamland. But. There’s always that ‘But’ that keeps people from sleep at eight in the morning. And there was this but, when someone you dearly want to leave you alone keeps on banging on your door never taking a break. Which is not a healthy atmosphere for a sleeping person. And this ‘but’ made Yuu pull his precious butt from the bed to get the door.

“You can stop banging already, door’s opened.” – he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“You’re probably Yuu Shiroyama? I’m Kouyou Takashima, your consul…”

“Contact my agent for whatever it is you want from me. And DON’T you dare knock on my door again. I’m trying to sleep here.”- Yuu never even looked twice at the honey blonde man smiling sweetly at him. The man named Kouyou wanted to add something, probably that he is to live with his client, read- Yuu, but Yuu never stayed long enough to have a chat. He hated chatting and 8 in the morning is indeed an ungodly hour.

“Wait, please? I’ll just…” – the door shut in Kouyou’s face with a loud BANG.- “drop my things here then…” he added hesitantly before turning around and going back to his car.

--- TBC--

request fic post

2009-07-02T13:28:10Z

if you want to request a fic, be warned.

i cut laces with Gazette fandom indefinitely, and not planning to go back in nearest future. i simply lost interest and changed fandoms.
but i'm still okay with writing fics.
i switched to Hary Potter (HP/SS) fandom, because it's simply a whole different universe with much more space for imagination.
i have frozen 'Stranger then Fiction' indefinitely, and, according to lack of complaints, it was the right thing to do.
i am all ready to write HP fafics though. just can't grab a real idea to start with (you know how it is when it's your first post in the fandom)

if you want to request a fic:

any genre or rating.
any wordcount (i'm asking you to state preferable length if you're requesting)
my OTP is Snape/Harry but i am open to negotians. ask away.
i hate MPREG, gender-bendings, HET and similar stuff. don't even ask.(still i'm okay with really small dosages)
any prompts or ideas will be considered, so if you have some, share, please.

i wish to improve my writing, that's why i'm open for requests now. but don't expect miracles from me.
May your requests be as much detailed as possible and
comments and critics are welcome!

p.s. i do not update daily, so don't expect me to write fast please. i take my time.

Losing a friend - Aoi\Uruha- 3\3

2009-05-13T08:15:13Z

Title: Losing a friend
Chapters: 3\3
Author: me </a></b></a>afina_shining
Genre: angst, some romance, maybe smut.
Warnings: mentions of self-harm, alcohol, sex.
Rating: PG-15 to NC-17
Pairings/Characters: Aoi\Uruha
Synopsis: look at you, look what you're wasting, you're losing a friend.
Comments: based on the Cardigans's song Losing a friend which described my built up emotions towards one certain person (excluding sex, off course). THANKS TO MY LOVELY BETA vanilla_lilly i love you girl! <3

The next day Aoi was the first to arrive to practice. Even Kai hadn't arrived yet. He was nervous to be the first to practice, but he had to, he wanted to catch Uruha as soon as possible. Though he knew that he might surprise his bandmates to the point of unwanted attention. He never arrived late to practice, well, not very late at least, but still he hated being the first to arrive and his bandmates certainly knew that. So he plugged in his guitar and got ready to start, but it was still too early. He wanted to have a smoke badly, but he might miss Uruha then. He decided to have his smoke in front of the building so he won’t miss his friend when he arrives.

Uruha, on the other hand, woke up one hella late. He didn’t mind though, being the last to arrive is the best way to avoid being alone with Aoi, so he took his time showering properly, doing his hair, dressing up and applying extra layers of make up on his face, which carried traces of last night’s drinking, crying, throwing up in the bathroom later and having almost no sleep.

“Morning, Aoi.” – Reita grunted, locking his car and yawning.- “Care to go get some coffee?”- the blonde man waved to the entrance. “No, thanks, I think I’ll have another smoke instead” – Aoi smiled and waved back. When Reita disappeared into the building doors, Aoi sighed and lit another cancer stick. I’ll throw up if he won’t get his ass here now – he looked at his cigarette bitterly. It wasn’t his first this morning already. And not even the second for the past hour. He smoked but still felt nervous to the point of nausea, but his determination was still strong and he was far from giving up. The day’s just begun.

“hey Aoi, did you break your alarm clock?”- Ruki’s semi-cheerful semi-sleepy voice dragged Aoi out of his daze. He noticed Kai hurrying from the entrance to his car, obviously forgotten something inside. “It better not be his keys”- Aoi snorted. Ruki giggled and nodded “If it is, we’ll have a thing to laugh at for the next month”

“Shouldn’t we go inside now?” – Kai joined them on the bench, smiling wholeheartedly, having found what he was looking for with no trouble.

“Don't we have another guitarist in the band?”- Aoi approached the subject as cautiously as he could, “Shouldn’t we wait for him?”

“He’s never on time; we can discuss the upcoming single release without him as well. Waste our time waiting for him wisely.”

“The wisest pastime I assume to be sleeping right now.”- Ruki yawned and took off his sunglasses as they entered the building elevator.

“Ruki, shut it”- Kai hissed.

“Fine, coffee then.”

Oh come on, it couldn’t be this bad. You’re not a cheesy teen or something. Be a man about it, dammit – Uruha thought, gripping the wheel a death grip, he was beyond anxious already. His previous determination and self-esteem seems to fly out of the window. He dropped his car keys three times for fuck’s sake! Pushed the needed button in the elevator not from the first attempt either. He sighed – It’s gonna be one hell of a day, Uruha must live through. – he stopped the engine and got out of the car.

Aoi had to come up with the guys, not to draw attention to his real deal. The discussion seemed boring even for him; usually he participated and was known as heated disputer. But not now, his mind wandered over Uruha’s whereabouts and he only noticed the discussion was over when he heard Kai yelling at the top of his lungs, obviously scolding Uruha for being so damn late.

Aoi watched his fellow guitarist from the corner of his eye, Uruha looked different, though his clothes and make up and hair was as perfect as usual. He looked like a ghost. Almost invisible. Very much unlike his usual self. Not only the chosen of outfit, too plain and casual, but his eyes were glued to the ground and he didn’t even yell back at Kai, which was the oddest thing of the whole situation.

The first part of the practice went smoothly, everything was just like usual, except for Uruha of course. No playful winks and smiles, no singing along, no silly dancing to the beat… Uruha seemed too lost in thought for that. And he refused to look at Aoi at all. Why? – Aoi wondered.

Why? Why does he keep on staring at me all the time?– Uruha thought, averting his gaze yet another time, trying to look anywhere but Aoi. He tried his best all day, being a pro guitarist, he could easily play his part without much concentration. So he let his mind wander… and it led him eventually to Aoi. He braced himself yet again, forcing himself to think of anything except Aoi, but when he eased that mental grip…there he goes again.. thinking of him…

When Kai announced a break, Uruha knew, he had to run and hide somewhere. So he politely refused to spend their break with other bandmates and ran out of the room.

When Uruha stormed out of the practice room, Aoi excused himself for a smoke and went after him. But Uruha was nowhere to be found. Not in the smoking area, not on the roof, not in front of the building. Not in the cafeteria. Where the hell is he?- Aoi was becoming impatient. Eventually he gave up, grabbed himself something to eat and a coffee in the cafeteria. Had his usual after-meal smoke and went back to the practice room, where – surprise, surprise – everybody stared at him impatiently.

“Where the hell have you been?” Kai sounded pretty angry. “Fifteen minutes break last longer for you?”- he hissed, as Aoi hurried to his guitar, getting ready to play.

“ We don’t need another Uruha in the band, google-up the word punctuality, before practice tomorrow.” Aoi held back all of his smart-ass and angry comments – nobody wants to mess with Kai. He maybe the mother hen of the band, but he had his “Leader-sama” nickname for a reason.

They played in almost full silence, unwinding little by little and at the end of the day they were having real fun, even Uruha flashed a couple of his infamous smiles. But when Kai called a day and started gathering, Aoi heard a small “See ya all tomorrow, guys”- and Uruha was nowhere to be found yet again.

Shit –he thought, gathering his belongings as fast as he could. Ruki and Reita were going to a night club nearby and invited Kai and Aoi along, Aoi declined, and was surprised to see Kai declining the offer too. The two lovebirds left and he was trapped. Kai stood in the doorway, watching Aoi intently, obviously waiting for some sort of explanation.

“Uhmm…eeto…see ya on Monday, Kai-kun ”- Aoi grabbed his things and tried to walk past Kai, but the drummer stood his ground.

“Aoi- kun, you were quite unattentive today, Uruha already got his share of scolding, now’s your turn.” –Aoi tried to smile the sweetest he could – “I’m sorry Kai-kun, I’ll pay more attention next time, I just had a long night.” –but the band leader still stood in the doorway, blocking the way. “I noticed the tension between you and Uru-kun, I fear it may affect the band, we have some big plans for this year and I won’t let you two with your personal issues, whatever they are, screw those plans. Do you understand?”- no sign of sweet Kai was present at the moment, only the angry deity called Leader-sama.

“Uhmm.. I …yes, Kai-kun, I understand, I’ll do everything right, you have nothing to worry.”- Aoi walked past the drummer, nearly running to the elevators. He had a meeting to attend. He’ll talk to Uruha right now.

Aoi jumped in his car and started the engine, he drove faster than usually, ignoring red lights and crossroad speed signs, he finally got to his bandmate’s apartment.

Flying up the stairs and banging on Uruha’s door. Aoi thought that his heart never beat this fast. Thanks Ruki for being the sneaky bastard that he was, a couple of coffees and a dozen of hints about his business at Uruha’s (Ruki was a pervert, from head to toe, Aoi thought, for god’s sake, if he and Reita are screwing each other, doesn’t mean everyone else around are gay) and he got the oh-so-needed piece of paper.

He knocked again. And again. He banged the damn door for nearly fifteen minutes, but it never opened. No signs of Uruha’s presence inside.

Fuck

Aoi turned around and left.

Uruha walked in the park for a half an hour already. He did his best at avoiding Aoi. He knew his best friend like the back of his own hand, the blonde knew that his house will be the first stop on Aoi’s list of stalking him. So Uruha took his time and wandered the city. He stopped at the restaurant first, he was very hungry after practice but he didn’t want to stop nearby in case Aoi comes looking for him. Something in the brunette’s eyes told Uruha he will come for him. So he took the opportunity to eat at some new fancy place he never had time to visit before. Then he went book shopping. Another place Aoi won’t ever look for him in. He bought two cooking books and one about cocktails and exotic beverages. Then he went to the movies, then to the park. Now it’s time to go home.- he thought noticing the sky was dark already and the stars were shining brightly, unusual thing for Tokyo. He got in his car and drove home.

Uruha decided to turn on his cell phone only when he got home. 3 messages from Ruki, 1 missed call from Ruki, 1 message from Aoi, 11 missed calls from Aoi.

Jeez… the man won’t leave me alone…

The phone rang instantly. Uruha thanked god it was Ruki.

“Hey, where’ve you been all day? Me and Reita wanted to call for drinks!”

“I’m sorry, I was busy all day, y’know new apartment, needed stuff.”

“So you’re at home now? May I come over?” – Uruha winced at the thought of having a guest like Ruki this late in the evening.

“Sorry, I’m tired now, just wanna go straight to bed. Maybe next time, thanks for the offer anyways.” – he wasn’t lying…technically. He was tired and wanted to go to bed as soon as possible. But he doubted he’ll have a decent sleep anyways.

“Ah, okay…sure… Reita says HI by the way”- Uruha heard drunken giggling, he said good nights to his friends and closed his phone.

“You owe me big time for this”- Ruki smiled and took a drag of his cigarette, holding the phone in the other hand.

“I know, man, I know. I’ll pay you back.” – Aoi thanked his bandmate, starting the engine and shut the phone, ending the conversation. Calling drunk Ruki was his best idea for today.

let him think whatever gay shit he wants, I got what I needed.- Aoi smiled widely. You can run, but you cannot hide, Uru-chan.

It was him, who asked Ruki to call Uruha and find out his whereabouts. As easy as blinking. Off course now he owes Ruki a story and a beer... maybe even three beers. But it’s worth it.

Aoi had to be extra careful driving in the pouring rain, the storm outside completely blocking his view. He almost got into an accident on his way, but being an experienced driver, he managed to turn left right in time. His nervousness was getting to him, and when he thought it can’t get any worse, the engine emitted a low growling sound and Aoi’s car stood still.

“Oh no, oh come fucking on!” – he yelled out loud, trying to start it again and again without any positive response. He grabbed his jacket then and got out of the car. Thankfully Uruha’s apartment now was just a few blocks away from him. The rain soaking his clothes instantly, he walked faster to keep himself from freezing. He sped up his pace, nearing the last block that separated him from Uruha’s apartment complex.

“He’ll have to listen to me now, after all this shit.”- Aoi thought running down the street to his destination.

Uruha was sitting on the couch in his brand new living-room, sipping on his umpteenth glass of wine and watching some boring TV-show. Not that he actually cared about it, his mind constantly bringing him thoughts of Aoi.

“What did he want from me? Why was he looking at me like that? Why did he called so many times? Jeez…”- he was thinking for the thousandth time now.

“Aoi… Aoi…Aoi…it’s always him, it’s all his fault for being this fucking confusing…” – he thought, scratching his knee through pajama pants. It’s Aoi’s fault he was only in his pajamas, never caring to put more clothes on after the shower, going straight to the kitchen to get a drink.

And it was Aoi’s fault he had to take the second shower tonight too, Uruha felt ashamed of himself, he couldn’t keep his hands away thinking of his best (ex?)friend, how fucked up was that?

How fucked up am I?

The doorbell rang, but Uruha paid no attention, just turned the volume up on the TV, but whoever was behind that door, was a smart bastard to keep on banging and ringing long enough to annoy Uruha to the point of getting the fucking door. Just to kill whoever is there, to stop these awful sounds.

When Uruha opened the door, he found Aoi soaking wet, hugging himself and shaking violently. His finger literally glued to the doorbell. Despite his miserable appearance, Aoi’s angry eyes were burning a hole in Uruha’s confused head.

“W- why the FUCK ARE YOU TAKING SO LONG?”- Aoi hissed angrily.

“I wasn’t waiting for guests, but come in anyways… ” Uruha noticed with horror that his previous irritation towards the guitarist morphed into concern. But whatever runs through drunken head…

“I’ll get you a towel and some clothes to change” – Uruha disappeared into the bedroom.

“Hey, I came to talk! I’ll leave as soon as we finish, don’t bother!”- Aoi yelled.

“No bullshit Aoi, you’re wet to the bone and might get sick. Maybe you don't care, but Kai will certainly run an investigation and I’ll be publicly executed, or maybe this is what you really want?”- Uruha wriggled his eyebrows and nodded in the direction of the bathroom.

“Take a shower while I’m making you a cup of hot tea and talk whatever you want, deal?”

Aoi’s anger disappeared completely, meeting Uruha’s never ending care, Aoi was familiar with over the years. He felt tears welling up in his eyes, as the gaping hole in his chest started widening gradually. He muttered a low “Thank you” and disappeared into the bathroom.

Locking the door and turning the shower on, Aoi let his guard down, allowing the tears to run freely. The steam from the shower was warm, but Aoi was still shaking. As he stripped of his clothes and stepped into the shower, he was regretting coming to Uruha tonight with all his heart.

But as the hot water warmed up his cold skin, as it started washing off his doubts and fear, Aoi braced himself. He’ll speak now or never, and living with this grudge seemed worse than anything he might face talking to Uruha. As he stepped out of the shower he was certain to sort things out at once, not to have any doubts or regrets.

Uruha already poured his fellow guitarist a cup of hot herbal tea and was sipping on his last glass of wine as he heard the shower has been turned off. He downed his glass and hurried to the bedroom for clothes, instantly feeling drowsy. When he walked out of the room, he almost gaped at the view. Aoi stood in front of him, wrapped in a small towel, which covered the skin leaving a little to Uruha’s imagination. Small droplets of water gleamed on his pale chest and strong arms. Aoi flushed under Uruha’s roaming gaze but his eyes held that dark determination behind them, that made the blonde’s lust rise to the point he almost failed to hide it. He hurried to the bedroom again, partially to calm himself, and came back a minute later holding a bathrobe.

“Here. Sorry you’re probably cold.” – he smiled half-heartedly and added- “let’s go to the kitchen, your tea’s getting cold.”

“I don’t need tea. I need to know why”- Aoi replied instantly. “Why? Why,Uruha?”- the blonde caught a glimpse of hurt in his friend’s confused glance.

“Why do you act so cold? Why are you acting so distant, like you never knew me? What have I done to earn that? What happened? Why did you leave?”- he bombarded Uruha with questions he wasn’t ready to answer, the blonde was disoriented with these questions, Aoi’s eyes, his body and the way his mind was reeling and once again plying dirty tricks with him. Put the fucking clothes on so I can think over your questions, dammit! – he thought angrily. Anger fueling his lust, he prayed for Aoi not to notice his aroused state and lustful gaze, while he tried to produce words. He failed, he gave up to these thoughts finally, cutting off Aoi’s never ending speech.

“You wanna know why? I’ll tell you if you tell me why am I about to rape my best friends right now?”

Aoi’s heart skipped a beat-“ what the hell are you talking about?”- he suspected his friend to maybe have a thing for men, but still, he didn’t know where this anger came from again…

“I came to talk to you about us, not to listen to your pervy jokes, Uruha”- he sounded hurt, Uruha noticed, but he was far too gone to care. He came closer to the brunette and spat the words into his face.

“I fucking love you, Aoi, that’s why.” – Aoi’s mouth hung open and he stared in shock at his best friend trying to proceed the other’s words in his head, while the blonde went on.

“I fucking loved you for years, trying to reach you like an idiot, trying to be close to you but still you didn’t notice me, and I had to go to other men to fulfill my dirty desires of you. Every night, Aoi, I dreamed of you like a freaking schoolgirl, but I knew I you would hate me if you ever find out about it. I cut myself thinking how you’d be disgusted by me. I drank myself into the black abyss to just stop thinking of you. And I decided to move on. Literally. I wanted to run away from you. Far far away. To not see you till my wounds are healed. But you won’t let me live in peace, right, Aoi?” – he smiled bitterly. “Now you hate me, don’t you Aoi? You hate me because I’m a fucking fag.” – he moved even closer, leaving no room for a shocked Aoi to escape – “I have nothing to lose now, have I?”- and he tackled the dark haired guitarist to the floor.

Uruha pinned the brunette’s body with his own to the floor, holding Aoi’s head in his hands the blonde pressed his lips to Aoi’s. having recovered from the shock he’s been in, Aoi pushed Uruha hard on his shoulders. Falling back on his ass, Uruha stared back at his friend, his eyes wet, small sobs escaping his mouth. “I’m disgusting, huh?”

“Uru, calm down please”,- Aoi moved closer, patting his friend on the shoulder, “You’re not disgusting, not in the slightest, you’re drunk and upset that’s all”.

“I tried to rape my best friend just now, if that doesn’t make me disgusting I don’t know what does”- Uruha stated, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. Aoi wasn’t feeling disgusted surprisingly, he felt sorry for his best friend and he was willing to do anything to make Uruha feel better and go back to the way they were before.

“I just wanted a kiss…a touch…anything from you, that’s so pathetic.”- Uruha sobbed.

“Hey, calm down, Uru-chan,”- Aoi cooed,- “you’re my best friend, I love you more than anyone, and if you want a kiss I’ll give you a kiss, okay?… even if I’m not…uhmm… into guys” he surprised even himself with the statement, he wasn’t into guys, was he? But still he felt like if Uruha wanted a kiss he’d gladly grant him that. Fuck straightness and all. Aoi sat there blushing at Uruha who was gaping at him and staring wide-eyes, fully sobered.

Uruha winked at him and smiled wickedly “You haven’t ever tried with a guy, right? Then how do you know what you’re really into?”- Aoi’s turn to gape. “You know, sex with men is nothing like with women. Why do you think, so many guys turn that way?”- Uruha moved closer.

“You granted me a kiss, huh? What about doing some research in the field?”- He snaked a hand under Aoi’s neck and pressed him closer.

Uruha’s kiss was definitely nothing like a woman’s. So demanding, so hot, Aoi felt dominated in a way he never felt before, being almost-like-Reita-manly-guy in the band and in real life too. Uruha licked Aoi’s lower lip, willing to deepen the kiss and Aoi granted him entrance gladly. The blonde kissed his partner like there’s no tomorrow. There may be no tomorrow for us – he thought. So he put all his love and lust into the kiss. Aoi felt the heat rising inside his chest, hands roaming over Uruha’s body greedily, Uruha’s hands beneath Aoi’s bathrobe, touching, feeling , memorizing every inch of skin. The need for air was squeezing their lungs but Uruha never wanted to part. Just a little more, please, god just a few seconds more. When they finally parted for air, they sat staring at each other intently, trying to read one another’s thoughts. A few seconds passed and Aoi launched at his friend tackling him to the floor again, kissing his lips with almost bruising force, not that Uruha minded. Aoi then started showering Uruha’s upper body with kisses, sucking on his neck and jaw line, licking his shoulder blades. Uruha tangled his hands into the dark hair, enjoying every split second. When Uruha felt Aoi’s hand caressing the bulge in his pajamas, he rose from the floor, looking at the brunette intently. Aoi stood up then, circling Uruha’s waist, willing to continue on kissing him. The blonde complied, and Aoi didn’t even noticed them moving into the bedroom, till his knees bucked, reaching the bed and he fell flat onto his back.

“Uruha, are you sure? I mean… I don’t know anything about gay sex and stuff ”- the blonde noticed a small glimpse of fear in Aoi’s eyes and pink blush creeping up his cheeks. He looks so adorable now – he thought. “Don’t worry baby, I’ll do it myself, just lay down and relax” –Uruha grinned wickedly and started stripping off his pants. Slowly, sensually, definitely putting on show for Aoi, who looked rather impatient, then scared now.

“A small lesson for my dear straight friend”,- Uruha snickered.

“First, you should take off your clothes”,- Uruha’s pajamas fell to the floor.

“Second, you should get lube and prepare your partner”- he claimed on the bed, stripping Aoi off his bathrobe. Uruha stared in awe at his friend’s lithe body, bending down to leave a trail of kisses down his chest and abdomen, caressing his thighs with his hands. Aoi moaned impatiently, wanting more than that obviously, but kissing Uruha back nonetheless. After a few centuries of kissing and touching, Aoi’s arousal reached it’s boiling point- “Uruha, you were saying?”. “Oh”- the other blushed…”Uhm…lube, right?”- he reached to the nightstand and grabbed a small tube. “Uhm…as it’s your first time I think I’ll do it myself, just watch me”- he sat back on his heels and poured some sticky fluid on his fingers. Raising up a little he pressed on to his entrance, never forgetting to make a good show for his lover, moaning and hissing, rolling his head back, he prepared himself thoroughly, hoping that there’ll come a time for Aoi to do it for him.

Aoi couldn’t even move, so much he was transfixed by the sight before him. Uruha looked so hot, so inviting, so lost in pleasure and Aoi couldn’t help wondering is it really that good to stick something up your ass, he agreed he was really curious about it now. Aoi was pulled out of his trance by Uruha kissing his inner thighs and sack, small moans escaping his lips, Aoi couldn’t help himself at this point. “Hurry up blondie, or I’m gonna come right now”- Uruha raised his head up, giggling,- “Okay let’s move to step three and four right now.” He smacked his pouty lips. “Lube up your partner’s cock and get ready for action ”. Aoi handed him the small tube immediately – “Not today babe, I have something much better to lube you up”- Uruha smiled and ducked down his head. Aoi never felt anything better. Indeed kissing a man was just a start , he thought, well as much as he could think right at the moment, Uruha’s mouth on his cock felt so fucking wonderful, the smacking sounds he was making so obscene, his blonde locks under Aoi’s hands so soft and yes… it was pure heaven. He was wondering if it could be better, but was quickly reminded, when Uruha pulled away and leaned in to kiss him harshly on the lips. The taste of himself driving Aoi insane, he whispered in a horse voice “Uruha, I need you now, please”- his lust filled eyes begging for mercy. Kissing him again, Uruha raised his hips and guided Aoi’s throbbing length into himself. Both gasping and hissing loudly, as he pushed his hips all the way down. They stilled for a moment, Uruha adjusting to the feeling, Aoi – trying to even his breath. Uruha raised his head from Aoi’s chest and kissed him sweetly. And then he started moving. Slowly at first, Aoi froze in place, afraid to hurt his lover, then he went faster and harder and Aoi went mad. They were both moaning and groaning, sweating on the bed, Aoi’s eyes all on Uruha bouncing on his shaft like crazy. He was so close, both of them. Aoi felt his stomach tightening, as Uruha pulled him up into a sitting position, Aoi started stroking his cock, making Uruha moan louder, hips moving on autopilot. Uruha felt his orgasm nearing, Aoi’s cock hitting his sweet spot dead on with every thrust, with Aoi’s hand on his cock it felt like a small death of him,- “Nghh… Aoi…more”- Uruha gripped his lover’s shoulders, his knuckles turning white and he screamed out Aoi’s name as he came hard over the brunette’s hand and their stomachs. HI inner walls spasming, Aoi coming as well with a loud moan.

They fell back on the bed, Aoi pulling out of Uruha, who cuddled on his side, both trying to breathe.

“That was just…wow…Uruha…” –Aoi spoke up first. “And you were right. It’s nothing like fucking a woman.” Uruha silenced him with a fierce kiss immediately –“care for another round?” Aoi noticed a small glimpse of fear in his lover’s eyes. He understood the meaning instantly – “Uru-chan, I’m not going anywhere, see?” – He pulled the covers over them. “Sleep now, I see you’re drifting off already” – he kissed the blonde sweetly on the lips and poked his nose. Uruha smiled back and cuddled up on Aoi’s side, hugging his waist.

When it feels so right, why care about anything? – Aoi thought.

“Uru?”

“Mmm?”

“Will you move in with me? I- I –mean… back?” – Uruha giggled sleepily at his lover’s stuttering.

“Off course, silly, sleep now.” – And Aoi drifted off to sleep.

And as Uruha heard his friend’s breath evening, he whispered softly in Aoi’s ear.

“Thanks for coming for me”

The end.

A\N. sorry this maybe confusing (><) and this is much longer than anycrap I wrote before. I lack of original ideas so I understand if you think it’s a piece of… my usual writing. Anyways, thanks for reading AND COMMENTING XD LOL

Losing a friend - Aoi\Uruha- 2\3

2009-05-05T16:12:28Z

Title: Losing a friend
Chapters: 2\3
Author: me </a></b></a>afina_shining
Genre: angst, some romance, maybe smut.
Warnings: mentions of self-harm, alcohol, sex.
Rating: PG-15 to NC-17
Pairings/Characters: Aoi\Uruha
Synopsis: look at you, look what you're wasting, you're losing a friend.
Comments: based on the Cardigans's song Losing a friend which described my built up emotions towards one certain person (excluding sex, off course). sorry it's lame and quite hard to figure out (><). contains of 3 parts, firts -Aoi's POV, 2nd Uruha's.

A\N sorry for horrible spelling and grammar, well y’know. It’s always like that when you don’t have beta and itching to post a masterpiece ~~of shit~~. Anyways hope you got what the story about even if the stoopid WORD re-spelled a lot of words wrongly as I noticed just now (><) gomen!

You knew English isn’t my first, right?

Uruha’s POV.

Door clicked closed and Uruha slide to the floor of his new apartment slowly. He closed his eyes and watched it like a movie in slow motion. Fighting. Packing. Leaving. He didn’t even say goodbye or give Aoi his new address. Rude, isn’t it? They’ve been friends for…how many years? He couldn’t count. He stretched out his hand a grabbed a bottle of vodka from the bags with groceries from the supermarket he was mindful to get. How pathetic – he thought sitting there, on the floor of his brand new home facing the window and crying like a baby over his own mistakes.

You’re losing a friend – he smiled bitterly. Aoi probably thinks that I’m sick of him or something. Maybe he thinks it’s because of our fights, that tend to happen more now than before. Or maybe because of his dirty little secret, that Aoi was careless to reveal.

It’s not about revenge, Aoi, dear – Uruha sobbed, holding onto the bottle for dear life. He would never want to hurt Aoi. Aoi was his dearest friend, or so he thought, Aoi thought- Uruha burst into tears again.

I'm fickle and I'm vain. And you trick me over and over again, with your warm smile, your black eyes always warming my heart. With your always cheerful and welcoming nature, that leaves no room for discomfort. I always felt home with you, Aoi. But I betrayed you, I don’t deserve something as precious and sweet as you. I am your dearest friend. And you were my dearest friend.

Till you became my desired friend. Uruha downed the rest of the bottle as the thoughts appeared in his mind again. That thoughts. Inappropriate thoughts. That kind of thoughts friends should never have about each other.

Thank God he doesn’t know my best kept secrets.

Speaking of which. Uruha laughed out loud. He’d been often yelled at for having affairs and fuck buddies, but if only Aoi knew, who were those buddies. Well, not that Uruha cared about their identity, past and whatever they’re doing. They were all males.

That dirty thought that polluted their loyal, almost fairy tale – like friendship. For years now.-

He had to fulfill his fantasies with somebody, anybody. He tried his best to leave Aoi out of this. Aoi, as straight as man can be. Uruha had no chance in life. If he dared to try he’d risk their friendship – the most precious thing. So he chose to pretend.

But it was just too hard.

They weren’t Aoi. Not even close.

And when everything wasn’t enough, when neither sex, nor alcohol helped to ease the pain and shame he was living with. He cut himself. Locked himself in the bathroom and let it all out. Frustration. Anger. Self-hatred. Shame. Everything went down the sink as he washed the blood from his hands. And thighs. They always thought I’m just sick of wearing boy-shorts.- Uruha smiled through tears.

It’s been his last resort. Next station – six feet into the ground. And Aoi just had to uncover it.

He had nothing to keep him sane now. So he decided to leave. Just run. As he told Aoi that night to just leave him the fuck alone. And Aoi did. Though Uruha was restless since then. He felt being watched, and it wasn’t him being paranoid, was it? He couldn’t keep living in a lie.

“ I would rather just die, go to hell and crawl back, than let you go” – Uruha often wondered, did Aoi mean that? It was just not in his nature to say such things. Aoi preferred actions. So… did he mean it? Uruha drank himself into abyss just to forget that night, but he couldn’t. and when drunk, he couldn’t stop from pondering over those words. And couldn’t keep himself from dreaming. Though, in such an inebriated state he could neither cut, nor masturbate. Seems like the floor was spinning like a disco dancefloor. He crawled on his hands and knees to his bedroom and claimed the bed. His body was oh-so-ready to shut off, just one thought kept his mind racing like mad. Ignoring all the alcohol and stress.

There’s one thing that keeps me up at night. For a long time now, actually.

Why, Aoi? Why are you so sweet and caring? Always. I’ve never met anyone like you. If I haven’t known you for a good half of my life, I’d say you love me way too much for a friend.
But I won’t ever ask you about that, because you know what? Because I decided to stop it. Stop it all at once. I know it’s not really working right now, but with much effort and less Aoi, it should work.

The decision has been made. The plan was almost flawless. Avoid Aoi as much as possible and when it’s over, they could re-unite and be good friends again.

It have to work or I’m dead.

you should know by now.
comments!<3

Losing a friend - Aoi\Uruha- 1\3

2009-05-05T07:38:43Z

Title: Losing a friend
Chapters: 1\3
Author: me afina_shining
Genre: angst, some romance, maybe smut.
Warnings: mentions of self-harm, alcohol, sex.
Rating: PG-15 to NC-17
Pairings/Characters: Aoi\Uruha
Synopsis: look at you, look what you're wasting, you're losing a friend.
Comments: based on the Cardigans's song Losing a friend which described my built up emotions towards one certain person (excluding sex, off course). sorry it's lame and quite hard to figure out (><). contains of 3 parts, firts -Aoi's POV, 2nd Uruha's.

Aoi’s POV

You’re losing a friend

A simple thought brings so much emotions. That thought crossed his mind first when Uruha said he’s moving out. Aoi didn’t pay much attention first to that thought. Maybe he was just being paranoic? It’s just stupid to think that way. They knew each other for half of their lives now. Always together. It’s just time for a grown man to live alone, for god’s sake!

You’re losing a friend. The thought crossed his mind when he first noticed that his roommate spends more time with their bandmates than him. Going to a bar. Going to a club. Going shopping. Chatting in the rehearsal room or even smoking. He felt out of place, but maybe it was him being paranoic? That’s just stupid to think that. Uruha came home eventually, to him, right?

You’re losing a friend. He though when he had their fights over and over again. There was always a reason. Aoi thought so, anyways. When Uruha cam home in the morning, never saying a word about where he has been. Aoi knew anyways, knew about his one night stands and little affairs with strangers. He didn’t appreciate that, never approved. He was the one about serious relationships and love. Yes, Uruha is a grown man, he thought, but that is just not safe.

It’s not about revenge. Cound it be? He never done anything to earn that, did he? Yes, he was being overprotective sometimes. Was Uruha tired of him? Did he do that just to piss him? Make him feel guilty? Make him crawl on his knees begging to come back? Uruha was never that kind of person. And his determination to live. That what frightened and confused Aoi the most.

You’re losing a friend. Aoi thought when he walked in the bathroom casually once. Uruha sat one tiled floor, blood on his hands. He was deadly frightened then. He tried to clean his friend and bandage his wrists, Uruha fought hard. He kicked and screamed to get the fuck off him and leave him alone.

“I would rather just die” – Aoi screamed back. Go to hell and crawl back, then let you go. He thought. They had their first big fight that night. Aoi took Uruha to his bedroom and let him rest but when he came back to check on him, Aoi was yelled at and showered with random curse words, the meaning was clear – get the fuck out of my life. Uruha avoided him for a week then. And they never spoke about the incident again. And he start locking the bathroom door, and even his bedroom.

And you tricked me over and over again. – Aoi thought. When Uruha smiled at him during work, they joked and laughed and had good time together, watching movies at night and practicing guitar till early morning. Drinking together and laughing till their knees go weak and they fall on the floor. Sharing secrets and tried cooking together. Like they used to. But after that all this seemed like a trick.

And now I'm losing you, and it's killing me – he thought, watching his friend packing his belongings into boxes and and taking them into a trucked parked in front of the building. He never noticed which were his things which were Uruha’s. Now he knows for sure. And their, his, from now on, apartment seems so empty. Empty without Uruha’s little souvenirs, brought from every place he’d been to. Without his clothes scattered everywhere and his rich bar, always full of exotic bottles with different liquors.

So this the end now. I'm losing you – it was an understatement, once the door banged shut.

Once Aoi got himself a bottle of vodka, Uruha’s favorite drink, he couldn’t stop his mind racing over and over the fact. All the facts. One by one they stood into a straight line. Every fight, every little event. I didn’t see it coming with my head stuck in the sand – he thought bitterly.

Once the bottle was empty, Aoi headed to bed. Cold and uninviting bed. Without Uruha, everything here seems empty. Even if they didn’t share the bed, Aoi had a warm feeling, just knowing that his friend is sleeping in the next room. Now the room was empty and cold surrounded him. He stopped looking at himself in the mirror. What a pathetic view. Shitface drunk, eyes red, clothes crumpled. He couldn’t stand the sight. He’d never looked like that with Uruha. The other man always cared for his looks, even taught Aoi to put on make up, when the band started. Aoi’s eyes filled with tears at the thought.

Oh, look at you! Look what you're wasting, you're losing a friend.

Aoi brushed off all the thoughts and welcomed the drunken slumber, morphing into disturbing sleep. He had dreams about his and Uruha’s childhood, teenage years, the band starting, then everything falling into black abyss. Aoi tossed and turned in his bed, waking up from his own sobbing. He wiped his tear-stained cheeks and sighed. Uruha’s probably having a great time with one of his fuck buddies, or maybe with all of them. He didn’t understand where this anger cam from till he caught his sight in the mirror once again.

Uruha had no excusable reason to leave him.

The thought rang in his head, causing an instant hangover. He wasn’t drunk at the slightest already. He needed to know why. And he’ll rip it out of Uruha if he had to.

Aoi got up from the bed and headed to the shower. He had to make himself look presentable, before practice. He’ll talk to Uruha, even if he’ll have to stalk him like a looney.

My mistake to lose you.

My duty to bring you back.

stopped to read? make sure to leave a comment.

check it out

2009-04-30T13:58:58Z

teh awesome.
go check. now.
MORE HERE

for Dear Angel

2009-03-30T06:33:26Z

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on.
Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along.
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on.

Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand.
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on.

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes.
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on.
Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. (repeat & fade)
(Everybody hurts. You are not alone.)

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

2009-03-29T09:30:59Z

it makes me cry everytime i watch it...

<<< click to enlarge

READ ABOUT IT

BUT BETTER TO JUST

WATCH IT

stop crying your heart out

2009-03-27T05:18:54Z

Dedicated to all people out there...

hold up
hold on
don't be scared
you'll never change whats been and gone

may your smile (may your smile)
shine on (shine on)
don't be scared (don't be scared)
your destiny may keep you warm
 
cos all of the stars
are fading away
just try not to worry
you'll see them some day
take what you need
and be on your way
and stop crying your heart out
 
get up (get up)
come on (come on)
why're you scared? (i'm not scared)
you'll never change
whats been and gone

cos all of the stars
are fading away
just try not to worry
you'll see them some day
take what you need
and be on your way
and stop crying your heart out

cos all of the stars
are fading away
just try not to worry
you'll see them some day
take what you need
and be on your way
and stop crying your heart out

we're all of us stars
we're fading away
just try not to worry
you'll see us some day
just take what you need
and be on your way
and stop crying your heart out
stop crying your heart out
stop crying your heart out

Постой...
Подожди...
Не бойся...
Ты никогда не изменишь то, что
было и прошло...

Может твоя улыбка(твоя
улыбка)
Великолена(великолепна)...
Не бойся(не бойся)...
Может
твое предназначение хранить тепло...

Все звезды
погасли...
Только не волнуйся...
Ты их все увидишь
когда-нибудь...
Возьми что тебе необходимо и в дорогу...
И
перестань плакать, освободи свое
сердце...

Вставай(вставай)!
Иди(иди)!
Ты боишься?(Я не
боюсь...)
Ты никогда не изменишь то, что было...

Все звезды
погасли...
Только не волнуйся...
Ты их все увидишь
когда-нибудь...
Возьми что тебе необходимо и в дорогу...
И
перестань плакать, освободи свое сердце...

(A a a)
(A a)

Все
звезды погасли...
Только не волнуйся...
Ты их все увидишь
когда-нибудь...
Возьми что тебе необходимо и в дорогу...
И
перестань плакать, освободи свое сердце...

Мы все были
звездами...
Мы погасли...
Только не волнуйся...
Ты все их
увидишь когда-нибудь...
Просто возьми, что тебе необходимо и в
дорогу...
И перестань плакать твое сердце зовет...
Перестань
плакать, освободи свое сердце...
Перестань плакать, освободи
свое сердце...
Перестань плакать, освободи свое сердце!

see, my Angel? it's not hard when you think about it...
think about it...

HALO!!!

2009-03-23T15:36:52Z

this song made my day!!!!!
OMG i feel happy when i hear it!!!

Lyrics | Beyonce lyrics - Halo lyrics

birthday post!

2009-03-23T14:02:31Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VANINE!!!!!
*HUGS*
MAY THIS YEAR BE VERY VERY HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!

to our dear fatalblissy

spring aggravation

2009-03-23T02:37:11Z

i saw so many depressed, upset, angry, enraged, sad, heartbroken people here and outta here this week i couldn't holed myself from trying to help. i'm one of that sad depressed angry people too...so...
i found a cause of all your problems, of feeling bad for no obvious reason, for bad luck, for shit happening around you. and it's called
SPRING AGGRAVATION
you can yell at me to shut up and tell me it's not medical (social,physical )term but it is.
it's well known that in spring the biosphere is stressed. its stress caused by renewing of nanure, of everything around, ground, treees, animals, even the air changes in spring. and it's a great stress for earth. and we are it's children we feel the stress too, even if we have no idea what caused it and think we're all emos and what not XD
so people if shit happens, if you feel distressed and aggravated BLAME SPRING AGGRAVATION.
it's officially allowed XD

or go listen to Distress and Coma single of the Gazette...
i totally reconsidered my point about this CD
Without a Trace made up for all their sins of D&C and a little of Headache man.
this song is simple, beautiful, sensual, filled with emotions though quiet, almost whispers to you...
nice cure for spring aggravation, people!

bcuz i found it's fun)))

2009-02-14T15:05:03Z

Total comments: 1369

1	afina_shining	580
2	radost88	117
3	arrana_nya	106
4	rwest81	83
5	matsumototaka	38
6	vanilla_lilly	32
7	laie_himura	29
8	prelude_of_ruin	26
9	xxx_deea_xxx	25
10	ia_kalmar	22
11	melody_of_agony	19
12	angels_rock	17
13	leifang666	17
14	tokidokiko	17
15	yumyumruki	15
16	lela_s	14
17	perishing_poem	12
18	eiga_risti	12
19	urulover_427	11
20	ahmtal	9
21	the_coconut_dog	7
22	alysama	7
23	sono_ike	5
24	ikeru_shikabane	4
25	inv2	4
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Friday 13th -Reita\Aoi- oneshot

2009-02-13T13:20:26Z

Title: Friday 13th
Author: Eru (me)
Genre: smut,humour
Pairing: Reita x Aoi (gazette)
Rating: NC-17? (18+)
Beta : matsumototaka
Warnings: crack, sex scene,a bit paranormal (><)
Disclaimer: they own me and make me write them fucking each other.
Summary : making out in a haunted place on friday 13th? does it sound like a good idea?

What was that sound? – Aoi looked around cautiously.

Reita didn’t seem very bothered by anything being busy with Aoi’s shirt. “Huh?” He looked up, “I didn’t hear anything”.

“I swear I heard some weird sound out there” Aoi stood up buttoning hit shirt up.

“Oh come on, babe. You’re not a chic, are you? Or maybe you’re superstitious and do believe in ghosts and the all spiritual shit?”- Reita’s eyes widened at the surprise, “No way! Man, I’m dating a chic!”- He laughed out loud before the clicking sound interrupted him. The blond man stood up and headed to the door to find out it was locked from the outside. The weird thing was- there was no lock on the door from the outside. The cabin only had bar on the inside. After the fire had erased the whole mansion leaving only wooden hayloft, which was one of the favorite place for local couples and Aoi’s personally, because since he found out he likes men, Reita to be precise, he didn’t want all the neighborhood to watch their little make-out sessions.

“What the fuck is going on?” He shouted to the door.

“Reita I don’t like this” Aoi said looking frightened, his voice shaking – “let’s get out of here; we can break out if we push the door hard together.”

They both stood against the door preparing to hit it with all they got and then IT started. The walls of the cabin were shaking violently, loud incomprehensible sounds and strange moans coming from nowhere. Red smoke soaking inside from cracks in wooden walls and from under the door.

“Is that fire?” – Aoi cried out hysterically pointing to the small window right under the roof with shaky finger. Indeed there were bright red flashes and crackling sounds of fire, but the fire itself seemed odd and unreal, if not for the smell of smoke and something else, like something was burning.

Aoi burst into tears, clutching at Reita for dear life – “We’re gonna’ die Rei!! I don’t wanna die!! I’m so young!!! It’s fucking Friday 13^th! We shouldn’t have come here today!!”

Reita stayed silent, trying to calm his boyfriend, kissing his cheeks and wiping his tears with his fingers, but it didn’t help much because tears kept on trickling from the brunette’s eyes. Suddenly Aoi pulled him down for a fierce kiss, a long and intense battle of teeth and tongue. When the blonde pulled away gasping for air and looking surprised at the other, Aoi tilted his head and whispered into Reita’s ear with shaking voice, - “Rei, I don’t wanna die as a virgin.”- the other didn’t have to be told twice, he pushed them both to the mattress below, on which they were sitting peacefully, enjoying each other not more than five minutes ago. Reita practically ripped his and Aoi’s shirts off, fumbling with his pants while Aoi was taking his own off. They kissed again, more passionately and Reita had to admit that the danger of everything going on around them added to his excitement, he was already hard as rock, seeing Aoi slightly shaking from fear and arousal, his cheeks tearstained but his eyes predatory black and his gaze determined. Reita sucked on his fingers but the other stopped his hand from going down – “No time for preparation, if I am to die here, it won’t matter anyways.” And Reita agreed, positioning himself at the other’s entrance, kissing him fiercely, biting hard on his lower lip as he thrusts inside, and making Aoi cry out in pain. He caressed the brunette’s sides, trying to soothe him and make him relax and as he looked up he met Aoi’s wanton gaze, his forehead slightly sweaty, tears trickling from his eyes again.

“Move”- he said determined, leaving no room for complaint. And Reita moved, slowly and carefully at first, hearing Aoi’s small moans and hisses of pain, which turned into pleasured ones as Reita changed the angle and speed of his thrusts, the brunette’s hips meeting his every move and their lips locked in continuous kiss. Watching his lover throw his head back and moaning repeatedly, Reita felt it’s all becoming too much, this place, this danger, his lover giving himself to him like this. He felt so close, his breath uneven, his thrusts erratic, Aoi’s hands scratching his back, no doubt leaving marks on his damp skin. He wrapped his hand around his lover’s erection stroking it hard and fast as he pounded into Aoi’s tight heat. Reita felt his lover tightening around him, his back arching off the mattress. Aoi’s eyes opened and he screamed out his love for the blonde lover coming all over his and Reita’s chests. Feeling Aoi’s walls tightening around him Reita came with a strangled scream, holding his lover tightly, and whispering words of love into his ear. As they lay there, catching their breath, Reita was the first to notice that the shaking and the fire was gone. He stood up and got dressed. And as he headed to the door, hoping it will open since the whole mess has ended. He heard a low growl from the mattress Aoi was sitting on already half-dressed looking at the window.

“Ruki!!!!!! You stupid little fuck I’m gonna’ fucking kill you now!!!”- The face in the window quickly disappeared, leaving the sound of footsteps and men’s laughter. Aoi tried to jump up and run after the mentioned boy, but the pain shooting through his spine kept him from movement and he slumped back on the mattress. He turned to Reita with piercing glare –

“So this was your fucked up method to get into my pants??? You know Reita I’m gonna’ fucking kill you too!!!”- The brunette stretched his hands and clenched his fists to emphasizing his point.

“No no babe, I don’t have anything to do with this, I swear I was just as scared as you!” – Reita sat on the couch hugging his lover tightly, trying to calm his anger.

Ruki and Tora waved goodbye to Uruha and Shou and headed to Tora’s house, hoping Aoi and Reita won’t come looking for Ruki there, intending to beat the shit out of him. Hopefully tomorrow’s Saturday, Saturday means no school. If Aoi had a chance to catch him at school the next day, he’d be dead the same second.

“How did you come up with such a crazy and brilliant idea?” – Tora asked his boyfriend walking the small alley to his house.

“Aoi’s such a chick!”- The shorter man laughed, -“I just teased him with ghost stories the day before and one of them was about the mansion they were fucking in. I told him there lived a family and one day the man caught his wife with a stableman. He killed them both and burned the house and hung himself on the nearby tree. His unholy spirit lingers there still, disturbing happy couples making out on his property.”- He laughed softly.

“What a made-up bullshit! I’d never believe in that.” – Tora shook his head.

“Neither would I, but we’re not Aoi, and after all it’s Friday 13 th today. A mystical day. And a good birthday present for Reita.”- He smiled.

They stopped on the porch of Tora’s house, the taller man bend down and kissed his lover passionately.

“So what are we gonna’ do tonight?”- Ruki cocked his eyebrow

“The very same thing that our scared lovebirds were doing there” - Tora pulled out his keys and unlocked the door. “Parents are away for weekend” – he smiled slyly.

“Tora, have you ever tried spiritualistic séance?”

A\N: my first smut ever posted. And I know I write crap. XD enjoy!